Sicky and sweet

Come on home

February 6, 1995

Sicily was quiet, well... maybe not her, but her footsteps were almost nonexistent. Starting ballet at two had trained her feet to be as silent as possible. So, she made use of it whenever she missed her mother. Waking up in a cold sweat from a nightmare, she slips out of her pink room and circles the hallway into her parents' bedroom. She nudged her mother softly,

"Mama"

Her mothers face twisted in annoyance until she saw her eldest daughter standing in front of her.

"Girl you're lucky that you're not your daddy. " She pinched her arm with a smile as she flung her legs over the bed, taking her daughters hand as they made their way down to the kitchen. Their tradition of making hot chocolate at midnight when they needed a little extra time together. She always favored her mom over her dad. Sicily sat on the counter next to the stove in her sweatpants and tank tops, her mother in a nightgown and robe. Josephine rotated her wrist as she stirred the pot, whispering to Sicily about stories of when she was young. 

"Now don't tell your daddy this one alright?" Sicily giggled and nodded with glee.

"When I was about seventeen, I had just met your daddy, but I had a few little boyfriends when I met him. I was clever when juggling them around until one showed up when another was over and oh my lord Sicily, they fought like dawgon dogs out in our front yard. My mama almost had my tail end for that one." She threw her head back and stomped her foot with glee.

 "I couldn't stop laughing seeing them fools roll around in mud. Lord knows I was not gonna give either one of them my time." Josephine tucked her hair behind her ear. Nobody but Sicily saw this side of her mother, Maggie was a close second. The woman gave birth to her own twins.

"But your daddy? Knocked my ass on the ground, he was beautiful. He's what made me believe in God... nothing can be quite so beautiful and be made by accident. That was proven to me whenever i first saw you." She stopped stirring the sweet liquid, turning to cup her daughter cheek, her thumb rubbing her Sunkissed skin.

 "big green eyes and the softest brown curls. Just sweet as can be you know that?" Tears welled up in her eyes, a billowing ocean that smites her softly tanned cheekbones.

 You were my great achievement. You are everything i wish to be and even more." 

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Sicily was anything but quiet as she bound through the farm and to the horse, where she found Maggie.

"Maggie! The barn?! You kept this from me?" A whisper yell, making sure to not cause panic throughout the camp. She turned with a startled face, then shock ran through. She covers her stomach with her hands and lets out an uneasy breath.

"Sicky..."

"Maggie, who all knows?"

She kept quiet, her eyes dropping to the floor as she wobbled from foot to foot. A hand reaching up to brush her hair behind her ear and then drops back down to her resting cross. 

"Maggie?" Sicily's anger faded, replaced with sickening anxiety and sadness. 

"Mama's in there." A choked gasp came from Sicily's mouth. A hand going to cup her mouth, eyes filling with felt like boiling water. Her hands reach up to nest in her own hair. gripping as she let out panicked sighs.

"You- You kept-"

"Shes just sick! I swear d-daddy's"

"Daddys a fool who is denying our fate Maggie! You're not dumb you know damn well that's not true!!" She snaps, turning to Maggie. Her hair wild and her tears hot. Pain of the thought that her mother's corpse is set in that dirty barn. To suffer, not allowed to lay rest finally. 

"She don't want this, Maggie! She would never want this!" Her voice raising, cracking as her shrill sobs break through the stables. Her arms dropping and shoulders slumping, her palms coming up to brush the tears out of her eyes. 

"She just wanted to be cremated." Defeated as ever she takes slow steps back, still covering her face. Maggie steps forward, bringing her into a hug. Sicily's arms falling to take a hovering rest over Maggie's back. Sobs rocking through her tired frame. 

"I'm sorry i knew you'd hate it."

"Well damn Maggie thanks for the concern." She said pushing herself off. Making her way around to the outsiders. Hoping to find a specific archer to take her into town. Though when she reached his tent, she found nobody except carol folding some laundry. Confusion set in her face; her stomach did a flip. 

"Sicily! Hey Hun, what do you need??" Carol asked with her ever so present kindness. It gave her a run for her own money, this woman might be able to beat her at her own game. Sicily plastered her smile on thick. She places her hands in her short pockets.

"I was going to ask Daryl if he could take me into town, I'm kinda having a hard day." She says as she sits leaning against the man's tree, in a subconscious effort to mark it 'hers' . She knew that carol was more than likely just his friend but seeing another woman in his space so freely made her want to vomit. Knowing just how picky the man is with his company made her rethink if she was actually that special at all. 

"What are you up to?" She asks as if it isn't obvious.

"Oh! Daryl gave me some clothes to wash up so im just finishing up the job. She said, still smiling as wide as ever. Her stomach dropped to her ass. Her chest got tight, and her fist clenched the grass beneath her back.

"Oh of course, sorry." She said looking down. Carol is oblivious to the fact that the girl in front of her wanted to sink into hell itself and cry even harder.

"I'll leave you to it then. Where is he though?" She asks while standing up. Her lip sucked between her teeth as she chews on the supple skin. 

"They went to do their usual shooting practice, took Beth and Patricia with all of them." Why didn't they take her? She felt like she was a little girl. Crying because her favorite boy was sharing a juice box with another girl; stupid, immature, naive. Anything you can name that came with adolescents. Maybe it was the fact that carol was doing what she thought he trusted her with, or the fact that they took her sister, but he didn't bother to come ask her, maybe it was all of the uncertainty, the lingering, the "oh so close" feeling. He was just out of reach for her.

She needed something to stand on, something to ground her in this moment. 

"Carol?" She said, her eyes watering almost tipping out.

"Yes Hun?" She said pausing her movements of folding.

"I-I really need a hug right now if you can't that's-" Her words were cut off as she felt carols arms barrel around her body in a comforting warmth. A knowing hush came out of carols mouth as she rubbed the girls back. Tear still spilling, the momentary pause of them moments before did nothing to ale or hold back the oncoming headache. 

"I don't know what I'm doing... I don't know what there is to do it's all just too much." She buried her face in carols neck. She couldn't comprehend the fact that her mother's body is mindlessly bumping into dirty, splintering walls along with other corpses. She didn't know how carol would react or if she would tell the others. All she could handle in that moment was her head hurt, her eyes were burning, and she missed her mother.