Star Crossed Killers

9: The Lessons

Once I'm out of direct sight of the game makers, I start running, flinging my bow behind me, shrugging off my quiver, tossing it to the ground. Avoxes stare at me with wide eyes and slack jaws. I slam the number 12 on the the elevator and shoot up and away.

I am crying by the time I reach our floor. I hear voices in the sitting room, laughing and chatting. I run past the sitting room and down the hall, tears blurring my vision as my cheeks grow wet and my breathing heavy. I ignore the others calling me as I make it to my room, locking the door behind me upon entry. I fling myself onto the bed, my right hand flying up to capture my sobs that now rack my body.

Why did I do that? I'm so stupid, can't even hold in my anger for two seconds. I've gone and ruined everything simply because I had to shoot an arrow at the game makers. Not even at them! I shot a pig. They would be dead if I was aiming for them. Don't they know that? I can't do anything right, can't even protect the people I love. My nose is running too much so I hav ego go to the bathroom and blow my nose with a lace hankerchief. I run my face under cold water, but it doesn't help much. Salty tears are still seeping out of my eyes.

What are they going to do to me? To my mother? Prim? Gale? Peeta? Oh, they are going to kill us, or will they turn us into avoxes just like the red haired girl? Where is Peeta? Oh, I really am so stupid. I didn't even check to make sure he got back okay. I wipe my face with my shirt as I turn off the faucet and run over to the door, flinging it open only to find Peeta waiting on the other side.

"Are you okay?" I ask, hoping my eyes aren't too puffy.

"Am I okay?" Peeta looks at me like I'm stupid. Glad we agree.

"Yes," I snap.

"I'm fine Katniss," Peeta replies calmly, taking a step towards me tentatively, like I'm a deer he doesn't want to frighten. "But I'm not the one who ran to her room crying after her personal session with the game makers."

"So?" I meant to sound harsh, but it just comes out shaky. I glare at him, and he looks at me with concern lining every inch of his features.

"Katniss, what happened? Did something happen to you? Talk to me, please." He takes another step forward.

"If you come in, no talking," I say with more strength in my voice. Peeta's eyebrows crease and he looks a little scared, and a little hurt, but he just nods and walks into my room, shutting the door and sweeping me into an embrace in one smooth motion. We stay there for a few minutes, just hugging through the silence.

Oh well, I wasn't planning on winning the games anyways, so it doesn't matter if they kill me. I'm really just scared of how my actions will affect my family and Peeta. Especially Peeta. If we are together at any point in the arena, and the game makers decide to torture or kill me in some way, Peeta could get caught up in it all.

I should have just stayed and apologized. Maybe they would have forgiven me. Well, except for the man who fell in the punch bowl, but I think the fault lies more so on him for that one. Maybe I could have made a joke out of it, but I don't see myself as particularly funny. Although anything would have been better than the way I left it.

Peeta draws patterns on my arm as I watch the sunset, and ironically, it's one of the most peaceful moments we've shared since entering the Capital.

With that sense of peace, I reason myself off a cliff. They can't kill me, yet. Once I'm in the arena, they'll toss an avalanche on me or send a pack of rabid mutts to kill me, but I was planning on dying anyway. They'll give me a low score of course, maybe a zero. Nobody will want to sponsor me, but again, I was planning on dying anyway, so that's perfectly fine. I had been hoping for a seven, enough to maybe pull one or two sponsors, so that I could get far enough in the game to ensure Peeta's win, but I'll have to make do.