The Cosmic Mystery

Chapter 29: Life on Earth

A week later

        "I'm fine Jack!" I exclaim for the fourth time. He looks at me petulantly, a look of mock offense on his face. He had been hovering since I got back. I had explained it all to him, and according to him I seemed to be taking it too well.

        "Look I'm just saying if you want to talk-" he starts again his hands displayed out in front of him.

         "Jack." I say exasperatedly. "I'm okay." I say taking a bite of my bagel. "Really." I say around a full mouth.

         "You haven't left the base in a week." He says deadpan finally and I release a deep sigh.

         "Because I don't want to." I say finally looking at him. "I don't need to. Just by knowing the Doctor I'm on UNIT's payroll." I say taking another bite of my bagel. "I've had so much excitement I just want to not exist for awhile." I say though I can't deny the way my throat restricts as I continue to talk about it. It makes it hard to swallow my bagel and I find myself getting annoyed.

         "You realize that's not normal?" He says with an eyebrow raised. I simply shrug as I continue to eat.

         "Nothing about me or my life is normal." I say sarcastically, rolling my head to look at him with sass.

         "Yeah me neither. I'm not even in the right century." He says as he raises an eyebrow and I offer him a small smile. He likes it here.

        "Jack." I say as I set my plate down and look at him. He's suddenly all ears focused on what I plan to say. "I don't even know who I am. For 20 years of my life I thought I was a regular schmegular person. I would get a degree, get a job I tolerated, maybe fall in love, and die." I say with finality. "I was okay with that. Now, I don't even know what biological race I am, I didn't even know for SURE aliens existed, and now I am one? Or maybe? What I do now is even apart from him, I'm in danger." I take a deep breath and rub my temples.

        "You know the Doctor." I say as I look at him again. "It physically hurts to have him see you as any less than. Id say it's his ego, but I think sometimes it's his lack of one. His age. Whatever." I say as I wave my hand. "Maybe he just seems smart. But imagine, meeting one of the most incredibly individuals ever, and they can't even look at you." I say as I rest my head against my hand. "How do you live like that? Because I couldn't." I say softly shaking my head as I grab my bagel once more to hide my tears.

         "Oh dear." He says softly and wraps his arms around my head. It's uncomfortable but I appreciate the sentiment in the moment and take a deep breath. "You know who you are Emerald." He says as he pushes a hard kiss on my head. "You're still the same girl you were before you met him, you've still lived your own life. You've had your own experiences." He pulls away and leans back against the couch. "If I tell you something do you promise not to make a big deal about it?" He asks taking a deep breath.

          "No." I immediately respond and he offers me a glare in return. "Fine." I say as I playfully roll my eyes. "What is it?"

            "Rose. Did he ever tell you about her?" He asks and I immediately get defensive. I can't help it. I imagine she herself felt this way sometimes, that all of his companions have. Never the first and never the last.

               "General idea. Though it was more Donna. He doesn't really mention her." I say softly as I begin to braid a stand of my hair to avoid eye contact.

                "The Doctor survived the time war, and immediately after. He met Rose. They were best friends, when I met them I knew they loved each other. And then she absorbed the time vortex to save him. And he regenerated. And it was even more intense for this doctor and her. They would've done anything for each other." He says. I find my chest beginning to hurt, unwarranted jealousy running rampant through my chest. I wrangle it down, it's not my right.

               "I don't see how this is supposed to help me feel better-" I begin but he shushes me.

          "It's to help you understand, and accept what I'm going to say next." He says as he gives me a pointed look. I pretend to zip my lips though the reality of brutal honesty scares me. "And then he lost her. To a parallel dimension. It shattered him. He met Donna after and I think he would've died that night if she wasn't there." He says rubbing his forehead. "And I want you to consider all of this when I say, this doctor will never be able to love you the way you deserve." He says softly, taking my hands. I draw my lips into a thin line, the tears pricking my eyes quickly. "I don't want you to nearly destroy yourself trying, like Martha nearly did."

        "I know." I say softly, my voice cracking. I wipe my eyes quickly as I look away. "I know. That's why I had to go." I say as I drop my head against the back of the couch, looking to the ceiling.

        "I think he loves you." He says tilting his head. My heart cracks as he says it, knowing what's coming next. "But he can't. Because it's too soon, because he's blinded by grief. For her, and for who you might be." He takes my hand. "I know you'll see him again, unfortunately. I just hope that when you do, you'll be able to stand for yourself." He rubs my hand insistently, trying to comfort me. I find no comfort in it.

        "I don't know how to explain it." I begin. "It's like it hurts to be at a distance. Like there was always this longing in the back of my mind and I didn't know I found it until I found him. And it feels gone again, and it hurts so much now that I know what it is." I say, tears falling freely from the sides of my face now. I grasp my chest as if to massage the pain of it.

        "I can do some testing." He finally says, as if he already regrets offering.

        "What?" I ask looking to him quickly.

         "Your genetic makeup." He says as he stands walking to his computer though his feet drag. "But time lord technology is... insanely advanced. There's a chance that when if it is true, I won't find anything to prove it." He says quietly as he begins to press keys on his keyboard.

         "Let's do it-"

         "And there's also the revelation that you may not be her at all." He cuts me off. Looking into my eyes, asking if I'm sure.

          "Can I be honest?" I ask as I begin to stand.

          "When are you not?" He jokes though he looks unsure.

          "I'd prefer I wasn't." I say softly. "What has the accusation brought me?" I ask looking at his screen.

          "Are you sure?" He asks looking at me from the corner of his eye. I take a deep breath and finally nod looking at him.

          "Okay, let's do it."