BEHIND THESE DOORS

29

(TW: Bulima; AKA eating disorder)

Rush POV:

"Yeah... the change has been a bit hard. I'm trying— I'm really trying... but I'm not perfect. It's so easy to be toxic... and I don't wanna hurt the people around me." I muttered to Shadow and Glitch, following up my sentence with a drag of the blunt we were sharing around.

"Man, that's rough. We'll always be here, bro." Glitch consoled me, leaning back on his palms.

This was something we did every few weeks. We'd sit off in some side room in the hotel and fill it with smoke. Usually Ambush would join us, but he's been distancing himself... I understood. I was a bad person. Terrible, even. I let him go.

It was just me, Glitch, Shadow, sometimes Ambush and Jack against the world... if the world was the hotel.

We called ourselves the Couch Dwellers— always together, on that same living room couch. The others weren't usually in drama, more quiet, on the sidelines. Me, on the other hand, was the one starting the drama. It brought us together... and now I was scared it was gonna tear us apart.

What if we were all pulled apart by me changing!? What if they changed, they left!?.. I knew that at least Glitch and Shadow wouldn't leave me. But that thought still lingered in my mind...

What if they did...?

I hated that thought... now that I couldn't poke fun, I didn't have any material to be funny with, I'd just be loud. Loud. It's all I'd be.

That same loud, annoying kid from all those years ago...

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Flashback time, baby!

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"Seek, seek—" Rush would call out to his friend. "Guess what!?"

The older would sigh, turning to look at him. "Hm?"

"Uh..." Rush would trail off. "I forgot."

"Sucks to suck..."

"Ok, bye!!" The younger would wave goodbye and turn to leave Seek's domain.

"Lower your voice," Seek would call after him, which was met with a quick, "OK!!"

Rush would stroll off to the library, looking for someone to pass the time with. He'd already checked up with Halt, who wasn't interested, as he was a bit too old to engage in his 12 year old shenanigans. He'd checked with Guiding Light, who was conveniently busy... he tried to play with his brother, Ambush, but he was tired from the humans who had came... he tried to play with Jack, but Jack was busy showing a newer entity, Dupe, around.

And he sure as hell wasn't gonna play with the younger kids...

He slammed open the doors of the library, causing the teenage entity who was reading a book to jump up at the noise. "Ah— ah, Rush... you scared me!" They would nervously laugh, dog earring their book and putting it down on the desk.

Rush would laugh loudly at the startled entity. "Sorry— didn't mean to be loud. Wanna hang out with me?"

"Ah... I'm reading..." he held up a book that said "Twilight" in braille on the front cover.

"Ya, reading's not for me. Too much words, too little time!!" Rush beamed. "We could play soccer? Ambush's lent me the ball!"

"N-no... sports aren't my thing, I'm uncoordinated. Do you mind lowering your voice...?"