You Young Wild Thing

I, The Woeful Dog

I am a dog
Snarling and growling
At anyone that comes near
I bare my teeth
As tiny sharp, ragged swords
Ready to sink into the skin of invaders
The second they close in
I am a dog prepared to fight

With them they carry sticks
With a net attached at the top
In search of me and my unwavering anger
And as they chase me
My fur goes stiff
As my body trembles
As my heart races with fear

And I know
They see me and they see a monster
They see my eyes glaze over
And label it as pride
Boisterous and proud
They are convinced I am playing with prey
"Dog don't you think this is bad, it'll get you killed. Just calm down"
They bellowed
"Just calm down"
But I am a wild animal
Who has never known calm in her life

"Dog you're just afraid
If you keep doing this you'll lose everything"
But I am a wild animal
Fear is all that consumes me
When people come near
I nip them
And bite the rods they carry
I bare my teeth and growl a warning

I don't know the softness
Or the warmth that is love
I don't know the peace
Of kindness
No one offered it to me
Chaos and violence
Are where I feel safe
It's the only home I know

They look at me the same way they look at babies
They think I'm cute
After all I'm supposed to be man's best friend
Many times they've come close to choosing me
But I always manage to escape
I don't want to be wanted
Because I don't know what to do with the feelings that come with
I don't want to be wanted
Because I don't know what I'd do
When inevitably they decide they don't want me anymore
So when they come near
I growl a warning
And sift through all of my worst qualities

I will claw and I will bite
I am not capable of being loyal
I will not stand by your side
I will not learn to roll over or sit
In fact I will never learn a single trick
I will not protect you from life
I will always abandon you
Because that is all I know how to do
I will not care if you scream
I will not save you
I have always been a stray
And strays don't make good dogs
I'm warning you; I'm a bad dog
I bite
So don't bother bringing me home
Because I am not capable of anything more than pure, unending rage
This is all that I am
This is me

But there is a gentle side to me
Where for a moment I pause
And wonder what would become of me if I stopped
If I let them near
What if buried within the bottoms of their pockets
They carry treats
What if they're trying to save me
From the depths of my own chaos
And what if all I'm doing is turning them away
But at the end of the day
I'm still a wild animal; I'm still just a stray
I don't know how to behave
So I snarl and growl and fight
And then I bite
And any good thoughts fade

But one day I am chosen
And there is no escape
I go on my usual tirade
Which has worked every other day
But this time the woman who has picked me up and taken me home only smiles
"Okay" she says,
"I am a terrible cook and I forget to clean the dishes some nights. I am absolutely abhorrent at math and I never bothered with science. Sometimes I get mad and forget to handle it right. Sometimes I yell and then regret it all later. Sometimes I'm scared and make careless mistakes. One time in seventh grade I cheated on a test. Another time I was stubborn and tried running away even though I knew I shouldn't. I am not a perfect human, just as you are not a perfect dog. So, I will love you anyway."

I can't believe this
What does she expect from a stray
She knows I'm a bad dog
And yet, she wants me anyway
This must be a ruse
Where is the cage
Where is the chaos and the rage
"It's not here" she says
"Chaos is not a healthy way of living"
I bite, aren't you afraid of my bite
"So you've said. But if you really do bite, why haven't you already."
I will, I warn
"No you wont, because you're not a bad dog.
There is a difference between a dog that is bad and dog that is afraid."
And which one am I
"You are terribly, terribly afraid."

What else am I supposed to be
As a stray living out in the streets?
"Exactly who you are, your behaviors are learned survival instincts
You did everything right."
And what am I supposed to be now?
"Free." She says, "You are supposed to be free."
So, I let go
And finally, I breathe
I take everything in
I feel my heartbeat in the wind
And I realize something deep
Like a poem,
I am alive.