You Young Wild Thing

The Candle That Sat Alone

I don't believe in god
But I always make sure to pray to my mom
I don't believe in god
But I always make sure to pray to my grandma

Whispered prayers own broken wings
And carry broken halos
As they flutter from heart to heart
From me to my mom
From me to my grandma
I see them and I see god
There is no greater pain than the absence of faith
I didn't find it in church
Sat behind the pews
Fourth row to the front
I didn't find it there
Repeating the Ten Commandments
And counting my rosary beads
I didn't find it there

I found my faith at home
Between crumpled wings
And broken halos
Torn up Bible pages
And a snapped cross necklace
Each rosary bead plummets to the floor
And rolls around
For a moment it's like I can hear screaming
Burning and burning
I did not find faith
In the candle that sat alone
Jesus painted on paper
I didn't find my faith through prayer
I found it within my mom
I found it within my grandma

Two women who carry the world like a cross
Two women crucified for being lost
Two women told what to do
What to be and what to lose
Two women who've felt more pain
Than any of you
Two women told to sow their mouths shut
To kneel at church and pray
Within those whispered words they say
Make sure to thank the men at the steeple
The men in the front row
For giving you the ability to even feel
Be grateful for the pain
Because really you could feel nothing at all
Two women who are stronger than any god
I have ever been told to meet
Two women I pray to

I did not find my faith
Between four walls and a steeple
Between holy water and a cross
Jesus nailed to the wall
Forever hung like a martyr
For our cause
As if he wasn't Mary's son before he was ever god
I did not find faith there at all
And for years I thought I'd find it nowhere
But then two women came a long
My mother and my grandma
Two women who's presence felt like god
They themselves were beacons of hope
They themselves should be knelt before
And prayed to
And it is here that I find hope
That my faith returns

Between four walls and my home
Between a warm bath and a perfectly cooked dinner
That my mom precisely platters
For perfect presentation
Because presentation is all that matters
It's all that will make her feel better
Between warm blankets and held hands
Between unconditional love and snuggle bugs
Between her and me
A women that stands before me
Only she is real
And in that reality I find peace

Up in Washington
Between the marsh and green trees
Folded neatly in cupboards
Stacked nicely on the dish rack
Held together by old shaky hands
Seventy years worth of glue
Holding up these walls
And a woman behind the repairs
Seventy years she's repaired these rooms
Held the family together like Papier-mâché
Between her palms they've slipped and fallen
Left her alone in the wood
Where they hoped she'd get lost

And it's here within the wood
Where I take her hands within mine
And trace the wrinkles
Sharing the pain each one bares
Finally learning of the stories each one remembers
It's here within the wood
That I meet god
That I pray for the first time
And it's to her and within her
That I find faith

Together my mom and my grandma
They make the Bible
And it's the only one I follow along
The only religion I subscribe to
My grandma and my mom

I don't believe in god
But I always make sure to pray to my mom
And I don't believe in god
But I always make sure to pray to my grandma.