"Lord, lead me home. My soul is tired."
_
Everything that happened yesterday, was all too much for me to handle. Finding out that Mia was moving away made me die a little inside. Having to hear Mr. Swisher's doctor basically tell Kim that he was only gonna get worse if Dialysis wasn't chosen by the both of them, scared me. And, finding mama in the lobby, sitting upon that bench, pouring her heart out, was definitely something new. All three of those things had to be the reason as to why I was just waking up at 2:00PM. Mama usually left for work verily early, so I knew that she was already gone. Usually when I wake, I'd march right on into the bathroom to cleanse myself to start my day. But, today I woke up to an upset stomach, with a strong desire for food. After removing the covers from my body, and entering the kitchen, I searched around in the refrigerator for something, anything. It appeared that mama had gone grocery shopping. I had never seen so much food stored in our home. And, when I checked the cabinets, they were full with all my favorite snacks. Had Mama stopped giving Mr.Omar money?! I didn't know what was going on. I was glad we had way more food than we had before, but I knew my mama. And, I knew that something wasn't right.
Glancing at our stove, I noticed that there was a skillet with used Granola Oil in it. I pushed 'bake' on the oven for confirmation, and it turned on. This was gettin' strange.
Choosing to prepare me a bologna sandwich, I reached into the refrigerator for a jar of pickles to go along with it. When I twisted the lid off to grab one, pickle juice slightly spilled on my hands.
I turned on the water to rinse the juice off, burned by the hotness of it. Now, I knew what this meant. Mama paid the Gas Bill. But, how could she afford to? And, how was it that we had a kitchen full of food? Something wasn't adding up.
Done with my meal, and there was a knock at the door.
"Is Janis home?" A tall dark-skinned man asked. He had a gold tooth in the front of his mouth, and a diamond earring in his left ear. His clothes were raggedy as his shoes were stained.
"No. She left for work."
"You know when she'll be back?"
From what mama once told me, I knew that she didn't have no friends 'round here. Well, except for a few guys. But, I knew them. This particular man? I didn't know.
"Nope. I can tell her you stopped by. What's ya name?"
"Who the hell are you?" He seemed disturbed.
"Who am I? No, who are you?"
"Look, just tell Janis that Que stopped by," the man waved me off. "Tell ha' I got my money, aight?"
Now, I had no idea as to what this man was referring to, but knowing my Mama, it wouldn't be that hard to figure out.
Truthfully, I didn't want to over think too much about this. With that being said, I decided to take a walk to clear my head. I found my way to the bathroom first, to take a quick shower. When the hot water connected with my body, I felt as though I had entered the gates of heaven. It had been so long since we were blessed with heated water.
Subsequently after I'm done in the shower, I renewed myself with a completely different hairstyle and a fresh change of clothes.
I then opened the front door, but stopped and turned around to make sure everything was the way it was when I woke up. I exited the apartment and made my way on into the lobby. Passing through, the first thing that found it's way in my sight was the bench. And, immediately, every interaction Mia and me shared upon it, had slapped me in the face. Every word. Every tear. Every bit of pain.
I sat down on it and as much as I tried to hold back, I couldn't help but to liberate memories, racing down both sides of my face.
There I was. Taking a walk. Trying to forget the encounter I just had with Que, because it was a strong possibility that Mama might've been sellin' again. And, I hoped not. It was the same reason as to why she had been behind bars many years ago.
