"Times change. Sometimes we don't want them to, but they do. They'll either hurt us, or make us stronger."
_
I was lying in bed, awakened by the sun shining through the windows. If there was one thing I liked about this place, it had to have been the weather.
I heard a knock at the door, and assumed it was Courtney. Nobody really ever came to our apartment, so it had to have been her.
When I opened it, she was standing there with a totally different appearance, again. She definitely looked like another whole person.
This time she was wearing a tight fitted black crop top, a mini skirt that stopped just above the knees, and she was wearing boots that were halfway down her long legs. Her hair was pulled back in a bun, while her diamond earrings reflected off of the beaming sun. I was sure they were the real deal.
I wondered if she changed her style like she changed her underwear.
"Hi, Courtney." I greeted her.
She took a step back then said, " Yo, you should really try brushin' ya teeth before you talk to people when you wake up in the mornin'."
Oh, her and her arrogance.
"My mama said I can't talk to you. So what is it?" I tried to whisper. Mama had still been asleep.
"To hell with yo mama. Listen my boss really wants to meet you. What day are you free? So you two can talk or whatever is it y'all gonna do."
"Mama said I can't--"
Courtney impeded my words. "Jayme, don't you wanna live a better life? Don't you want more money?" She cut me off, then said this persuasively.
"Well, yeah. But---"
"Okay, so then take the job. Why don't you? Besides, ain't ya tired of listenin' to her? Ain't ya tired of livin' like this? Jay, you need the money."
To make things clear, nobody ever called me 'Jay', but mama. So for Courtney to call me that, I knew that there was something between those two, that I just couldn't put my finger on.
"Don't do it, kid." Courtney and I both turned around to find Mr. Swisher standing in his doorway. "This girl ain't no good. I'm telling ya."
"Yo, you live right next to ya grandpa, or something?"
"No." I responded. I thought long and hard about what to say next, because I wanted to make a good impression. "I don't even know this damn man. He needs to mind his own business."
I made no eye contact with Mr. Swisher. Releasing those words from my mouth hurt like hell. I shouldn't have said that. Shouldn't have said it at all.
Mr. Swisher stared at me, and just through his eyes I could tell that there was something he wanted to tell me. Some type of signal or sign that he was giving. I just couldn't put it together. He shook his head from side to side in disbelief, then closed his door, ploddingly.
Something about Mr. Swisher didn't feel right. He didn't look like himself, and when he spoke, he didn't even sound the same. I didn't want to upset him, or be rude to him, I just---I just really needed the job. Not only for the money, but if Mama was to not open up to me about how she knew Courtney, then I'd just have to get it out of Courtney.
I didn't want Mama to be mad at me, but I was sick of living this particular way. She said I couldn't work for Courtney, but she didn't say I couldn't work for Courtney's boss.
"Well, Mama will be at work all day, until 8p.m. tomorrow. Cant you come back then?" I faced the woman once more.
"Yeah. I can do that." Her head went up and down. "But listen lil girl, tomorrow is the last time I'm coming 'round here again. I'm not coming back afterwards, so you better be serious about this. Got it?" She placed her index finger in my face, and I could tell that she was serious.
I agreed with her, then watched as she turned around and headed for the lobby door.
"Hey, Courtney. Wait up!" I ran towards her. "Can you be honest with me, and tell me how you and mama know each other?"
She laughed, then said, "She still haven't told ya yet, huh?"
I shook my head no.
"Well, ya just gonna have to get it out of her, the best way you know how. I rather for her to tell you, then me." When Courtney said this, her attitude changed, and so did her tone of voice. It changed from bold to drab. From enthused to bland.
She turned around for a second time, and finally walked out of the lobby door. Her head had been hangin' low, all while she walked profoundly slow.
That's the exact same walk Mama had, when she'd walk away from a conversation about all that she had done. That walk only had one meaning. Guilt.
But, what could Courtney possibly have been feeling guilty for?
I walked back inside, and noticed Mama was up, getting ready to go to work. Now that I had known that she was helping Omar, I didn't want her to go back to that damn store.
"Where ya been?"
"Me?" I pointed to myself. "Oh, I was just watching them birds." My voice shook, and she could tell.
"Alright. Well, I'm gonna head on over to the store. When I get back, we will be havin' that talk, okay?" She placed a kiss on the top of my forehead, then walked out the door.
I could then hear that she was on the other side of our apartment's door talking to somebody else, and I hoped it wasn't Mr. Swisher. If it had been, what if he ratted me out, and told Mama I had spoke to Courtney? What if he had told her that I cursed at him?
I swear, if I could've played those few minutes back, and changed every word that escaped my mouth, I would've.
