The Endless Golden Dunes

Chapter 39: Transformation

UMAR

  
Zahir stumbled a bit, probably because of his drunkenness, but he raised his stick nonetheless and delivered a blow to Umar’s neck.
  
‘Stop! Stop!’ Umar was screaming.
  
But the blows did not halt.
  
‘Stop! Stop! STOP!’
  
Umar stumbled, and Gregorios had to help him back.
  
‘Did you get further?’ he asked.
  
‘It always ends there,’ Umar frowned, accepting the hermit’s hands. ‘It is as if my mind does not want me to find out more.’
  
‘Every part of your body wants you to find out, but your mind still wants to learn the ability to bear these things. But these things … these are not meant to be borne by the mind.’
  
Gregorios sat on his rock and closed his eyes. Umar was not going to let him go into meditation. He had found a curiosity.
  
‘Why can’t my mind do it, then?’ he asked.
  
‘These matters are not for it.’ Gregorios was indifferent.
  
‘With all due respect, I want you to elaborate and not be so mysterious.’
  
‘Ah, Umar! Things like these aren’t vivid. There is no order in pure things. When the universe was beginning to be created, all was chaos. There was no earth, and there were no heavens. It was only the abyss and God.
  
‘The mind deals with knowledge that the world has to bestow. But see, the heart is peculiar.’
  
Gregorios took his index finger and pointed it to the left side of his chest.
  
‘The heart is like us. The heart wants adventure. It is young, and cannot stay idle for long. Time and time again, the mind begs the heart “Do not go wandering to these fogged places; what do you know about them?” and always, the heart replies “I was made to see things that you cannot comprehend. I am the representative, ambassador, and the vessel of the soul. It wants me to go there, and I must do as it says. It will benefit all of us.”’
  
‘So it is the heart that is my guide?’
  
‘It is, and you must strengthen it so that you can come in peace with the fire. Now, should we try again?’
  
‘I … I am not sure, Gregorios. What if I am met with the same result?’
  
‘You will only see when you try.’
  
Umar sighed and he put his hands on his shoulders and began spinning. A spark, a lick of flame, and then a fully erupted flame. Umar was spinning around it again. The fire was red at first, but then it turned a shade of purple, but it became much hotter as well. Umar continued spinning and spinning.
  
And then memories came in.
 
‘Listen here you little harami.’ His father said as he walked forward.
  
Umar was stuck in the corner. He stumbled and fell into a sitting position. He crawled backwards taking all the space. His hands were clawed, grabbing things that were ungraspable. He made himself smaller, he bent his back so that his head was between both of his knees. He stretched out his palm so that it would block the attack. He didn’t look forward. Instead, he averted his eyes to the back, but his father’s shadow remained there. It appeared larger than it actually was.
  
It was useless. Zahir grabbed him by the collar and pulled hard, ripping a bit of Umar’s kameez in the process. Now, the child was laid out in front of him, much of his skin bare. Umar sobbed. They were the tears of defeat, the tears of one who knew that he was seeing things that weren’t supposed to be seen.
  
‘What were you doing? Why were you doing this?’ That was what he wanted to ask. He was unaware about how the mind worked.
  
He couldn’t ask. The stick was already raised.
  
It struck once, and then twice. Screams.
  
Then another one came down, and it struck a sensitive spot. The pain was burning, like a fire was ablaze inside of him.
  
Almost, he could hear his mother, begging. She was saying something, but it was inaudible. The world was becoming blurred.
  
It was spinning.
  
It went round and round.
  
The sounds were muffled.
  
Then, finally, silence came as the pain continued to peel off his skin.
  
Then he woke up, and the pain started again.
  
Zahir stumbled a bit, probably because of his drunkenness, but he raised his stick nonetheless and delivered a blow to Umar’s neck.
  
‘Stop! Stop!’ Umar was screaming.
  
But the blows did not halt.
  
‘Stop! Stop! STOP!’
  
Umar thought he would be out of this trance, but that did not happen. Instead, something else happened. The purple fire started swirling and it began to encircle Umar. It was going around and around him until it touched the top of his head.
  
At that moment, Umar woke up. He did not fall this time, just faltered a bit. He sat down upon the rock.
 
‘I resisted a bit better,’ Umar said. ‘I think I should be able to do better in the future.’
  
‘You haven’t even told me what happened.’ Gregorios said, unfazed by what he had seen.
   ‘The red flame turned purple. That is the only notable difference.’
  
‘It is? My, my. After such a time, that is the only difference?’
  
Umar’s ear flushed red.
  
‘What do you mean “only difference”?’
  
‘Much to learn, still. Oh, but patience is great, patience is important. If you have a wish to see the days where you can live with peace and see the world with good eyes, then you more than must have patience. How many times have I said that? It matters not.’
  
Umar had become a bit concerned at Gregorios’s way of speech. He was speaking like a drunkard, though Umar failed to guess what he was drunk on.
  
‘So should I try again?’ he asked.
  
‘No, no, no. You should go back cleaning the stables, or any other chore. Your energy will need to be replenished. It is quite possibly the best option.’
  
‘It has been a long time now! It is fair that I get to try again and hope for a better result.’
  
‘That is fool’s play. You will get no further than this.’
  
‘I would!’
  
‘You may try and see where it leads you.’
  
So, with a determined push from the bottom, he stood up.
  
‘I will have you proven wrong Gregorios,’ he said. ‘Watch me conquer this flame.’
  
And he began spinning. At first, nothing was happening. About ten spins later, there was still no sign of any fire. He started to become annoyed and as a result, started spinning faster.
  
‘That would be dangerous,’ Gregorios’s voice came from the void. ‘You are being a hazard to yourself.’
  
Umar ignored him and spun more. And more. More. He was spinning harder. He was getting dizzy. Yet, he did not dare stop. He wanted to quench the flame. He wanted the fire gone. His mind was begging him to stop, yet he had to push the thought aside.
  
CRACK!
  
It was like the sound of a whip, and it felt as such too. With the whip came a violent heat, and Umar fell, too close to screaming. A line of fire had seemed to strike him, and Gregorios ran towards him.
  
‘Umar, are you all right?’ he asked, trying to shake him awake.
  
Umar wanted to reply. Yet, when he tried to do so, his throat was grasped by an invisible hand. He couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t do anything verbal related. His vision began to fade away.
  
‘I told you not to do it! Wake up!’
  
And Umar’s vision was lost. It was all just darkness without sounds. Maybe it wasn’t even darkness. Darkness was something. This was nothing. There was no light to call it lit, and no darkness to call it otherwise. No night for the hope of day, no sun for the hope that the moon can be seen. There was no up that could be called down, no air that could replace a solid object, and not anything to be beheld to the eyes.
  
Then there was the tongue of something. It was the tongue of a flame. What color was the fire? It had no color. Colorless was a strange thing. But no, it couldn’t have been colorless, but perhaps it was all the colors at once? It was something and nothing at the same time.
  
Something and nothing. That strange mix inside nothing while the real world was something.
  
The tongue of the strange flame licked Umar, and he felt an immense weight. The universe was in front of him, and he was a part of it. The flame and water were the same. The mountains weren’t different from the desert.
  
All was one.
  
‘Ah!’ he gasped.
  
Coughing, he sat up, choosing between breathing and making sense of what was happening.
  
‘Did I not tell you not to do such a thing?’ Gregorios spat. ‘What were you even thinking, boy?’
  
But when he saw that Umar had trouble responding, he softened.
  
‘It is all right now. You are safe. There is no need to worry now. All is over.’
  
He reached out his arm and offered Umar an embrace. The man looked at him in confusion at first, but later accepted it, drawing nearer to the hermit’s chest. It felt strange; hugging. It was the contact of two human bodies. It wasn’t personal enough to be ‘intimate’ nor usually expected enough to be ‘consensual’. It was simply one of those things humans created on the spot, with no rhyme or reason.
  
Yet none of that mattered to Umar. The only thing that did was the fact he was enjoying the comfort, enjoying the warmth. It was a thing that reminded him of his mother, and that immediately meant goodness. Deep memories were uncovered of him as a child, grasping for Mariyam’s attention, and finally embracing her when she accepted. Yet another proof of how all things are connected!
  
‘Are you feeling better now?’ Gregorios asked.
  
Umar nodded. This the hermit felt and he let go. Umar looked at him.
  
‘I think it is best after all to continue with work at the stables.’ He said.
  
‘Most definitely.’ The other agreed.
  
Umar stood up and began leaving, heavy with an unknown air yet suspiciously out of breath.
  
‘Do not forget to come at other times!’ the hermit called.
  
‘I will make sure not to!’ Umar answered.