the girl at the bottom of the glass

chapter 15: the light

Present

"Hello, I am Vicky and I am an alcoholic"

"Hi Vicky", people greeted me in unison.

"I just received my one month chip, right before _ ahh", I hesitated, Mark nodded to encourage me, "I drank again. Once I started, it was downhill. I partied hard,"

I didn't know how much in details I should say. I didn't want other people tempted.

"The relapse happened during a party", this time I could interpret the understanding nod from the group.

"My boyfriend told me to make the night an exception. Before that night was gone, I realized I made a mistake, especially when I saw he and his friends did the drugs in our bedroom", I scratched my nails nervously, "thank you for letting me share"

Strangely talking out loud lifted a heavy load off my chest. I avoided the meetings for two weeks, out of shame.

They all said, "thank you for sharing". No judgement. No interpretations. I liked it very much.

I felt good until Theo came by later that evening.

He was drunk as usual. And I noticed that I didn't find the taste of whiskey and cigarettes on his mouth anymore.

He was bitter. We were hitting a rough spot after my seemingly judgemental comment on his drug use on New Year's eve.

He dropped sarcastic remarks on my attempts at sobriety. I tried not to indulge him with a fight.

"You wanna go out baby?", he asked me as he said down on my couch. I noticed he had brought a paper bag with him. I bet they are alcohol. He brought his own supply after I made a firm statement of not having any beverage at home.

"I'd rather stay in tonight", I told him, as I collected the nail polish bottles from the table, "how about we cook dinner tonight?"

He twisted his face and lifted his long hair up with one hand.

"I was thinking of watching the football at Flying Tiger"

"We can watch from home", I suggested.

"It's not the same", he complained, "you are not fun anymore"

I tried not to be hurt by that comment. I quietly walked to the kitchen and started taking out the chicken and vegetables from the fridge.

"I went to the meeting today", I told him.

"Hmm, I thought you were not going there anymore", he strode towards me.

"I paused a while, I plan on going there regularly", I put the pan on the stove, "we can make chicken pot pie"

"Is there anyone you are interested in the meeting?", he asked, towering me, "what about the Mark guy you talked about?"

I scoffed, "baby, he is in his 50s"

"Then, who is it?", he queried more, "I barely see you these days"

"What?", I sneered, "are you serious?"

"Yes, i am, I want to know if you found someone else"

I turned and looked into his eyes. Those big black eyes were dead serious on me.

"Don't be ridiculous, I don't know where you get this idea from, I have no one else"

"If you said so", he raised his hand and gulped from the paper packed bottle he brought, "what about the dudes from work?"

I couldn't believe his baseless suspicion.

"There is no one", I pressed my lips together in a manner to keep my temper.