Lost in Transmission - Little Nightmares AU

Just Forget

     I can't breathe.

     I did this. I did this.

     I...I killed him. I KILLED HIM!

     It's okay. H-

     "NO IT ISN'T!" I shriek. "IT ISN'T OKAY, AND IT'S NOT GONNA BE OKAY EVER AGAIN! I KILLED HIM! I...I killed him! I-I...k-killed-d...."

     I sob, covering my eyes. I don't want to see. I can't see.

     I tell myself I never saw this, I never saw him lying there, with everything broken and bleeding and DEAD, he was DEAD, he is DEAD because of ME

     The room fills with my screams and sobs and cries. I pace and tear at my hair and I shriek and shout and slam my fists into the table and floor and whatever I can. It aches and I don't care. I don't feel it anymore.

     All I feel is the weight in my chest that's ripping me apart.

     It makes my heart race, my stomach clench, my head spin, my hands shake, my legs weak. My mind is in circles. Killed killer killed him you killed him YOU killed HIM you KILLED him YOU MONSTER-

     I shriek, "NO!" at the top of my lungs until I can't scream anymore. The edges of the room seem to fade into nothing and then I open my eyes and I'm curled against the wall, gasping for breath and silent tears streaming down my face.

     Seconds.

     Or hours.

     Or days.

     I don't know how long it is before I can even start to really think again.

     ....

     ....I wish....

     I need...I have to.... I c-can't....

     I wanna get away from here.

     Away. I nod, standing up. I have to get away.

     I start running, not caring where I'm going. Anywhere. Just anywhere. Just not here, just everywhere, just anywhere but here. This feels like I'm stuck in a dream, where I'm numb and half-here and half-asleep and completely-terrified.

      My shadows kill for me without a second thought. Something in front of me moves, and then it doesn't.

      I step around the bodies of Guests. I don't think about it. I don't think about blood or about dying.

      There's only one death that matters, and every step takes me farther away from it.

      Darkness flickers across my view, numbness coming and going. I don't care. I run, stagger, sprint, and walk, just getting away.

     The rooms sway and shift along with my shaking hands. I keep walking and stumbling into walls and boxes and cages and chairs and everything there. I cling to the walls, pushing myself forward. I never let myself stop.

     If I stop, I might never get up again.

     I still want to survive.

     ...Do I?

     Surviving is all I have left.

     I have to stay alive. That's just what I do. I live. I kill monsters. I kill kids like me. Just because...I have to, because I still don't want to die. I can't let myself ask if I don't want to, if I would rather be like M-