Dear diary, I hate myself. Oh, I've never written that. That's new. I must have thought it a thousand times, but it was never... like that.
Maybe I deserve all that. After all, I'm a horrendous person. I have everything to be happy; I'm the best student in class, I have "friends", or what can be considered as friends, I'm famous. But I can't. I don't know why, I can't do it.
In fact, I'm constantly acting. With Boscha and the others, I have to seem cool and cold. In class, I have to be the model student. With Mom, I have to be perfect. And I can't do it anymore. I just want to... be myself. But with all these roles I play, I don't even really know who I am anymore.
If someone asks me, I have to say that I'm Amity Blight, and that my dream is to continue my family's business. But is that really what I want ? What do I want ? I don't know. I don't know at all. And it scares me.
In fact, the question shouldn't be asked. I don't have a choice anyway. My future is already written ; my mother took care of it for me.
Maybe without this perfect girl mask, I'm nothing. Without my mother's orders, I'm nothing. Without the name Blight, I'm nothing.
So... I should be happy. That the future of the Blights is in my hands. To be the best student. Many people would like to be in my place... But I can't count the number of times I wished I had been born in someone else's body, or not to have been born at all.
I'm lost. I'm scared. I'm exhausted. Sometimes I wish I could give up everything. But I have to keep it to myself. What would people think if little Blight broke down and had a breakdown? My mother would surely be accused of abuse, the company would collapse.
I'm happy. Let's say I believe in it. I'm very happy that I will become the boss of the Blight company.
It's just... so hard to be perfect.
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417 words
A rather short first chapter to put you in the (joyful and optimistic) mood of this fanfiction :) For the moment, it's quite dark, but don't worry, Luz's arrival will put some sparkle in Amity's life ^^
Chapter 2 coming soon!!
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