She's my way out.

Chapter Twelve

So here she was, back again,my mum. I hated seeing her like this. She always wanted a high and I think that's where i get my buzz from, Riell sat here with me to, we just watched her as she sat opposite us on the other sofa, I  hated her. I hated her so much, she's the reason why I  am  who i am today, why couldn't she just be a normal mum? Why did she have to be a druggie, a nitty? I tried to hold it in, hold my tongue for Riell's sake, she always see mum as an angel, no matter what  state she was in, even when we were younger, I'd leave her to deal with my mum's ways cah I couldn't bare it, I  look a back and think I  was a fuckboy but look at her, look at her right now, I bet she's wondering when she's gonna get her next fix not even acknowledging that her children were here, the ones that she missed out so much on, the ones she left, abandoned   "How you been?" Riell asked her, she was silent fiddle with her fingers, she was just another tramp to be real. "Nice place you got here."
"What she tryna say is- You clearly aint off the weed, heroin, injecting yourself with that shit you do."
"Rashad"
"No why the fuck is she here Your a piece of shit, fucking excuse of a mum and I  swear to god, drop dead and die and i wouldnt give two shits, forreal."
"Rashad!"
"Dont fucking Rashad me! She fucked  up my like, our lives. You think I wanna be this way?Doing the shit that I do to survive? Having the reputation I have, its all cuz of her! If she could of been a normal mum I swear to god we wouldn't be here right now, yeah i'd be a lickle bad bread but not how it is today, And you two? She fucked up your chances on ever becoming a singer, she ruined everything, And now what, you expect me to sit here like everythings casj? Mus got a  problem, so we gotta help her, not even, how did shehelp us when  we needed her? Why am i even calling you that? Tracey?"

"Do you need somewhere to stay for the night?"
"That would be lovely dear"

"And the thing that makes it worse is, I  caught you tryna still food off the youngers." I laughed "This the type of Grandma you want around Malachi and Jace yeah?"

"Just give her a chance Rashad!"
"You dont see it though, you dont see that she's using you, by tomorrow she'll be gone,with your purse too."
"One thing i dont do, theiv off me own family!" 

"She's high blud."
"Well she's staying."
"And My nephews get back inabit, you want them seeing her like this."
"Just- whatever Rashad. If you love mum-"
"If I love her! fuck that shit your on your ones mate."
"Dont bother coming back to this house then."
"Kick me out for the mum that never wanted you, yeah?"

"What makes you think your  so diffrent from what she is, yeah your not off your head but at least she doesnt go around killing people,Corrupting young boys and feeding people like her's habbit!"
"Is that what you think of me?"
"I didn't mean it like that-"
"Narh inabit Riell."

"Reepz when we gonna get the food back?" Lil Reepz asked me, as he sat in the back of my car with Milo, Mayhem was in the front with me. "Dont ask me dumb questions-"
"But its like my Marj's depending on that money init-"

"That crackhead mum of yours? Listen to me when I  tell you them type are no good. You dun heard about mine today, didnt you? Cah i know you youngers tark to much. They come back in your life and turn shit upside down. Your mum probably wants that money to buy some crow off man."
"That was harsh" Milo said

"But its true, Lickle batty man about that was a bit harsh. Yung Reepz carry's My name So it is harsh,and I tell him how it is, this is how it is on these roads."
"Tell em." Mayhem said puffing out some smoke.

"To think about it, you man have it easy." I go on, whilst stopping the car at the traffic light 
"Bare easy"

"All you gotta do, is get the food and move it. These times for us it weren't that simple, man try bump us, but these days everyones know not to pull shit like that when Im back. Moretime I'd go out knowing I'd get nanked today so i had to carry my flicky-"
"And remember them times where, feds had the area on lock so we were using parents evening to shot food." Mayhem laughed

"Oh yeah." I laughed too shaking my head "And not knowing where you'd be sleeping tonight." the laugh died down "Not knowing if someones after you, I swear My olders Sofa was my lifeline I told you man this before." 

"My Marj would even clock  that sleepovers were getting too long. Even though she try help out, it was bait he was in the struggle, we all are in the struggle, so nothings a bit to harsh"
"Its reality"  I said before turning one corner.

I always find myself calling her, she's more than just my probation officer, we've blatantly   gone past that level but she's just someone I needed in my life.I  could bill as many spilffs as i wanted but the high would never stop me thinking about her, since she's come into my life everything's changed, but for the better. I knew she'd have a free yard  tonight  so i decided to cut through.

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