She's my way out.

Chapter Thirty

We had settled in the Cafe that the hospital had once again. I got her a hot drink and one for myself too, although none of that was helping to ease the mood, I needed to bun a fat zoot right now, lead me astray from reality but I knew that wasn't going to solve anything not after what Naomi ha just told me. You know, it explain everything. But, still it's like I'm baffed. From day she's been the strong sturdy one aswell as me like I know that I might present myself as the big man with beard and that, that looks after everyone, the youngers, the fam my bros but deep down I got a bag of feelings that need to be addressed. And, she addresses them, she puts me in my place and tells me I need to Seckle when I'm about to do something dumb that would determined me going back in pen, breaking my probation. Like I said, I know I'm that guy but I'm a different guy too and she sees that side and she sorta him out and puts him in order so to see her like this is mad, it's mad. "Nay. I don't know what to say"
"I understand if you want to forget about me" She says wiping her tears with the back of her sleeves. "I should of known that this was never going to work out"
"Yeah but this goes deeper than me and you though Naomi. Way deeper than that. Like, I don't know if you understand how much you've helped a nigga out b? Do you?"
"I'm not in the right state of mind Shad."
"Nah but still. I need you to understand that, no one did me like you did and I'm telling you that on a real" I put my hand in my chest "No one b. It's only you. You've helped me in way you can't even think. So I'm gonna help you, yeah?"
"Rashad this is nothing you can help with"
"Naomi you need to let me do what I can for you, so at the end of that day, we get what we both want. Look, I don't know if you want Mackenzie"
"Of course I want Mackenzie Rashad! How could you say that, it's-its just. It's just him that keeps playing with my mind, I love him as much as you do"
She looks at me with tears in her eyes "See I knew you wouldn't understand"
"Help me understand. Help me understand what your going through so we can go through this together"
"It's not that simple"
"Let's make it simple then"
" your really starting to- arghhh"
"What?"
"You think this is a game?"
"No I don't. Listen yeah. What I want for you to do is to, is too urm-"
"This cant be solved. It goes beyond me and you Rashad. I just need to get away from all of this."
"What do you mean?"
"I need help."
"But you aint, you aint... you know."
"Mental."
"This aint bants b, its your future. Do you know what their gonna do to you?"
"Section me probably. Put me in one of those units."
"You could lose your job."
"Oh well" She shrugged "What good has it brung me hey?"
"Accept for Mackenzie"
"Accept for him." she nods
"I need for you to get better, and I know your not gonna do that here in south, but same for one of them units, they can lock arf your life in minutes. Their quick to label you, I should know that. So, here's my lesson to you."
"Go on."
"Were gonna get you a doctor, private one. Get that sorted and out the way."
"Yeah and what's next?"
"Im gonna ring your brother."
"My brother? You don't even know him."
"I do. Long strory short we met, came over once and you weren't in. He clocked my face from some youth club we used to attend like, 09 days."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"Lets not get into all of that now, its about you, hear me?"
She nods and I proceed.
"So, Amma call him up, tell him what is happening and-"
"I don't want him to know."
"Why? Naomi, if you want this to work then you need to co-operate with man, on a level because I want us as much as you do, but we aint there yet"
"Why cant we just run away."
"That's not the answer, your still gonna be ill, your still gonna be seeing him, when you sleep throughout the day, its gonna interfere with everything. So tell me how your gonna be a mum to Mackenzie?"
"I will cope."
"No you wont, listen. I don't think your listening"
"I got this ting on my wrist and its glistening." she mumbles, I couldn't help but laugh, she does to which causes me to smile, its been a while since we've laughed together like this, smiled. "I haven't seen your pink gums in a minute NJ."
"Naomi Johnson, skrr." She laughs.
"Course Naomi Johnson, come here bruv." I get out my seat and she gets out of hers, I wrap her in my arms and kiss her forehead. "You need to go stay with your brother for a bit yeah, get your head straight."
She nods.
"And I'll look after the youte, don't worry. Just trust in me, yeah?"
"I trust you Shad."