𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄- 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐃

𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍

𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆. Well, actually, it wasn't that something strange had happened, exactly. But rather, the absence of events that had Alana on guard all week. Things had been going good. Almost too good. To the normal person, it would seem like a good thing.

But Alana knew better.

She knew that whatever this was wouldn't last. Because she wasn't the type of girl who got to be happy. Something always went wrong. The universe had a tendency to make her life a living hell the exact moment she let herself think that life was worth living again.

Because for the first time in a long time, Alana was happy. And she suspected that the sleeping man beside her had something to do with that fact. Usually, she could come to terms with the fact that everything good in her life always came to an end. But she wasn't quite ready for when this would come to an end. She didn't want to think of what she might do when that happened. How she'd feel. Or worse, how Spencer would react when it all came crashing down and he found out the truth.

Alana often grappled with the thought of telling the truth. She wondered how Spencer would react if she came clean and told him everything. If she told him about Corey, and the heinous things he and his friends had done to her and Evangeline that night. If she told him that he had broken her beyond repair and ruined all the good parts about her. Parts she thought were long gone until she met him. She'd seen a similar darkness in Spencer, a part of him that he never quite let her see, but it was there. He had lost things, and he had gotten lost at some point. That darkness she'd noticed was a part of the reason why she let her guard down around him. Like attracts like. Everyone knew that. Her broken parts were drawn to his like a moth to a flame. Perhaps he'd understand. Maybe he'd find out the truth, and he wouldn't look at her like he hated her.

Or maybe Alana was wrong.

It was a coin toss. Two outcomes with equal probabilities. She had no way of knowing how he'd react, but Alana knew one thing for certain, and it was that she would not go to prison. If they were going to take her, then she'd go down guns blazing, or in a body bag. She let herself be trapped for years, and she refused to spend the rest of her life in a cage like some kind of animal. She refused to be labelled as a monster for killing the boys who killed her in every way that really mattered. She did not feel remorse, and she did not feel guilty.

She looked at Spencer's sleeping form beside her, the serene expression on his face. Alana wondered if it was worth it, letting herself get her hopes up knowing it would only end in her disappointment. She pondered if she's corrupt Spencer, and somehow rub off on him. Other than Rhiannon, Alana had a tendency to bring people down with her. She wasn't the type of woman that a man would want to marry or bring home to his mother. She was too broken. Too fragile. She was the intermediate, the girl you stumbled upon one night at a bar, the girl that somehow indirectly leads you to the woman you really want to marry. She was the rebound, the reject, the one that no one ever chose. At least Corey had gotten that part about her right.

She hesitated for a moment before she reached a hand out and traced the shape of Spencer's jaw, trying to commit every detail about his face to memory, in case there was a time when she'd never see it again. Her touch was featherlike, careful not to wake him from sleep. Alana wouldn't dare do this if he was awake. It was too vulnerable for her, too gentle. She let herself smile softly as she brushed a piece of hair back from his face. She envied his ability to sleep soundly, to not be terrified of what might linger in his mind the second he closed his eyes.

I don't think I want this to ever end, Alana thought to herself. I think I want to keep you, Spencer Reid.

A pang of fear shot through her chest as the thought settled in, raw and unfiltered. The idea of "keeping" anyone sounded absurd, as if her love could somehow shelter him from the storm she knew was brewing. But deep down, she knew she couldn't keep Spencer any more than she could keep the tides from rising. There was too much darkness in her world, too many secrets that, once revealed, could tear this fragile happiness apart.