The New Life

Accusations

"Wakey-wakey, Gavvy!" Ryan opened the curtain in our room to let in the morning light. "Rise and shine, sleepy boy! It's time for breakfast! I made you a pancake!"

I groaned and barely opened my eyes to see Ryan standing at the foot of our bed with a tray of food. "Ryan, love, it's too early for this crap. Let me sleep."

"Awww, but you're the birthday boy!" Ryan whined playfully.

"What...? No, my birthday isn't until tomorrow..." I mumbled still half asleep.

"Oh come on! I made this for you and I worked really fucking hard on it..."

I lifted my head up enough to see what Ryan had prepared for me. On the plate was a few strawberries, a glob of yogurt, and a crudely heart shaped pancake with sprinkles baked into it. "Aww...Ryan. This is so sweet, but you now I don't like yogurt."

"Oh! I know! That's for me. See, I was gonna make myself breakfast but I burnt all the other pancakes...so the yogurt is all we have now." Ryan admitted.

All I could do was smile at him. He was such an amazing boyfriend. "Alright, Ry. Let me get dressed then we'll eat this in the kitchen, yeah?"

"I'll see you there, babe." Ryan pecked the top of my forehead. That was Ryan's way of saying 'I love you and you are mine'.

Ryan went out of the bedroom and I decided to take a quick shower before heading out into the main living room to see Ryan had moved the kitchen table in front of the small fireplace.

"Why did you move the tab—"

"It's eleven degrees Celsius which means its fifty-two degrees Fahrenheit." Ryan interjected.

"That's normal May temperature!" I joked back. "You've been living here for two years now! You should be used to it."

"Gavin, a Southern American is never used to the cold weather. Plus, it's more romantic here. I thought we'd talk about what you wanted to do once Michael, Lindsay and Ray arrive tomorrow."

"Okay. As long as you're happy, I guess we can sit here for breakfast." And with that, I sat down and ate my rainbow sprinkled pancake.

* * *

Since it had been two years since we had last seen our friends from America, Ryan suggested that we fly them over for my nineteenth birthday.

After the whole Dan incident, Ryan has been a little off. He has been daydreaming a lot, he's also been on his computer most of the time once he returns from work. Normally he would return from work around half past seven, but he has been getting home around 8:30PM or even 9PM. At first I had been sadden because it cut into "our time" in the bedroom, but recently I had been getting suspicious; paranoid. But, I couldn't be more excited to see my friends again.

It was around 10PM and Ryan was just getting in the shower. "Hey, Gav?" He belted from the bathroom.

"Yeah?"

"Can you check my email to make sure Ray has checked in for the flight? He was having trouble and I want to make sure he emailed me saying it went through." Ryan's voice echoed from within the bathroom.

I went over to the desktop computer in the spare bedroom which Ryan was using as a study space and logged onto Ryan's email account. I scanned his inbox for a message from Ray but as I was reading the contacts, I noticed something very disturbing.

I heard the shower start up and the curtain close. The tips of my fingers instantly dropped in temperature and I felt slightly sick to my stomach. My eyes stared at the sender's name, then the subject line. My heart told me not to, but my brain told my finger to click to open the piece of mail.

"From: Cindy Sawyer Subject: I've Been Thinking About You All Day
Hey, James. I can't stop thinking about you since our interaction last week. Where have you been hiding? I can't get in touch with you anywhere! Please hit me up, baby. I'm so lonely :( - Your love, Cindy"

I felt like I got punched in the gut. It was déjà vu from when Barbara was in Ryan's bed. I didn't want to read anymore but yet I clicked out of the email and found another one from Cindy dated a few weeks back.

"James! I'm just lying in bed, bored. Care to join? I'm so glad we've kept in touch, let's hang out tonight. I promise you won't regret it ;)"

I didn't know whether to feel sadness or anger, but I felt a mixture of both. If what these emails are implying, Ryan was not exclusively mine; which made me feel fear and disgust. I smashed the power button on the computer tower and ran into our bedroom. Unlike last time, I couldn't just hop on a bike and run away from my problem, I had to face my dilemma like an adult. I got myself together and sat up on the edge of the bed and waited for Ryan to walk into the room.

Eventually, Ryan walked into the room in his towel and made his way to the dresser for his pajama pants. He noticed me on the bed, "You see any email from Ray?" He asked reaching into the drawer.

"Nope. I did see an email from your lover."

Ryan's head popped up and looked at me in the reflection of the mirror. "What?" He dropped his towel and pulled on his pants.

"I went on your email and saw all these messages from this bird flirting at you! Who is she, Ryan?" I snapped, my jaw clenched.

He walked over to the end of the bed and sat next to me. "Gavin, I'm lost. Please tell me what you are talking about."

"Ms. Sawyer?"

Ryan's eyebrow raised for a second, "OH! What about them?" He questioned sincerely.

Gasping for air, "What about them? What the hell, Ryan?! Why was she such a whore-case in her emails, huh? What have you been doing without my knowledge?!"

"You're joking." Ryan laughed, not taking me seriously. "What? You don't actually think I'm cheating on you, do you?" He asked once he saw my expression.

My eyes burned from the tears I was holding back. There was a painful lump in my throat; I swallowed hard and spoke up again, "I wish I was."

Ryan stood and backed away from me. The pain was obvious on his features. "W-why would you think such a thing?" he questioned as his voice began to raise. "You know how much I love you and yet you don't even trust me?" he continued. He ran his fingers through his hair as he paced the floor in front of me.

"I'm sorry, Ryan, but it kind of feels that way at the moment!" I fired back at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" Ryan's voice boomed through the bedroom. He took a step closer to me, making me flinch.

"Y-you know what I m-mean." I tried to keep my voice steady. The sound came out soft and cold. "All these nights of you coming home late, you never wanting to go out to eat with me, and now I find all these emails from this Wendy chick—"

"Cindy?" Ryan interrupted.

I threw my hands in the air in exasperation, "See?! You're even defending her! Look, I'm not a love expert but I know people can like any gender, I don't want to get technical with you, but just saying you're 'gay' doesn't mean you can't cheat on me with a female. We've had the Barbara thing in the past and I don't want you to do something like that again..."

"That's all it is?" He asked sounding slightly hopeful. "That's why you think I'm cheating on you?"

I nodded.

"Oh my God, you are so stupid." He muttered, a smile resting on his lips.

"Ryan!" I yelled offended, "Now is not the time to insult me! This isn't funny so get that smug look off your face!"

Ryan sat back down on the edge of the bed and took my hands and pulled me closer to him.

"Let go of me." I spat in annoyance.

Ryan ignored me and cupped my face and brought my lips to his.

Confused I asked, "What was that for?"

"Look. The most important thing in a relationship is trust. All you can do is trust me, I am not cheating on you, Gavin. I love you. And only you. Let's get past this and have a nice little party for your birthday with our friends, alright?" Ryan placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

I sighed. "Okay, Ry. Let's make my birthday a good one."