Euphoria (Newtmas one-shots)

Say Something

Newt's POV (to Thomas)

Say something, I'm giving up on you...

I glance at your face, before turning my gaze to the starless night sky. I bite my lip to keep myself from fidgeting - I never really fidgeted, but you did that to me.

Day after day, you'd looked me in the eye, told me how much I meant to you. I yearned for those three words, but they never came.

I wanted to tell you I can change for you, I can be everything you want me to be. I'll be the one if you want me to... But you told me to be myself. Then you smiled, a breathtaking smile, but there was nothing more.

Anywhere, I would have followed you, to the deepest of ravines or highest of mountains. I trust you, Thomas. I'd give my everything for you to be alive. I could only wish you'd do the same for me.

The other day, I could have sworn your pinky brushed mine as we lay beneath the clouds, just waiting for dawn to strike. But you didn't act any different.

Say something, I'm giving up on you...

And I'm feeling so small, next to you every day. Why do you do this, Tommy? It was over my head; I know nothing at all. I'm losing hope.

Why do you always send these mixed signals? One second you're smiling that special smile of yours, eyes dreamy and dazed, and the next you're up at the front, leaving me behind to wonder where I'd gone wrong.

Do you have someone else, is that it? But Tommy, oh Tommy, I'm too far gone for you. And I'll stumble and fall - I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl.

I thought I was on the right track, but I don't know anymore. This is tiring; it's tiring to be on my toes, to keep guessing. My thoughts are all jumbled up, and I'm starting to not like it, but I can't help it, I can't help it...

My hand's shaking as I'm writing this note, I really don't want to do this, but I have to... I know I have to...

Say something, I'm giving up on you... I'm sorry that this had to be a note; I'm sorry I couldn't get to you. Really, anywhere, I would've followed you. And I want to, oh, I'd die to, but this is the best I can do.

Say something, I'm giving up on you...

And I'll swallow my pride. You're the one that I love. So kill me, Tommy, if you've ever been my friend, kill me. I can't - I can't live like this anymore. I can't stand it.

Face it. This is who I really am now - a monster, a ruthless monster that has lost all humanity.

I guess this is how we'll end it, huh. Us... whatever we were, or weren't. You never said anything. I guess I wasn't enough

So, well, I guess I'm saying goodbye.

~

Thomas POV (to Newt)

I- I don't even know where to begin.

Every day, I visit you.

I can't sleep at night, so I hold your jacket to my chest, and I pretend that you're here with me.

It still has a slight smell of you on it.

Pathetic, I know, but I needed you.

I still do.

I weep into your grave every day, but you don't respond. Of course you don't, you're dead. I killed you.

I can't live with that.

Please, Newt. I know you can hear this. I know you're there. Say something, Newt, I'm giving up on you...

I was stupid. Pathetic. Idiotic. I curse myself every night, thinking of my actions. I wanted you, Newt. I didn't know what to do. So I pretended I didn't.

I'd go back to those hard times, just to tell you how I really felt, just to have the brief moment of euphoria before it falls into the dark abyss. I'd do that for you, Newt. I'd do anything for you.

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you... I- I just want to redo this whole goddamn thing. I still cry every night, to sleep, if I can even sleep at all. The others think I've gone insane. But hey, that's what love is right? Mad, painful, insane?

Anywhere, I would have followed you, Newt. And that's why I'm writing this. I can't stand it anymore. All this guilt, these feelings are tearing me apart from the inside. I can't. Some days, I feel numb all over. I can't feel any emotions except for the gnawing pain of my heart. I want to stop it all, Newt.

Please say something; I'm giving up on you. It's pulling me in, Newt. I can't live here anymore. I can see it already, I can see us, together, in the future, I just have to- I just have to get to you...

I'll join you in a minute, Newt. I'll join you, then we can finally be together.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.

~

A/N: Woah. Another sad fic for what, the 3rd time in a row? Oh well. I wrote this at 2am when I was feeling sad last week (so if it sucks that's my excuse), but I've resolved the problem and oh god it feels good like a huge weight has been lifted.

IDK if I'm the only one, but at times like those I just think acutely about how I feel and how to write it out, so I can make my writing more realistic. HAHA

Don't count on this, but I THINK the next few one-shots will be much happier. I'll also be updating my other story somewhere within this weekend, hopefully. I've been drowning myself in Sterek fics lately, and oh my god, the writing is perfect and argh.

QOTC: How tall are you?

AOTC: 162cm, which is about 5'4"

THANK YOU so much for reading this! Please vote if you liked it, and comment your feedback! I hope I can improve my writing from the fanfics I read hahaha