Euphoria (Newtmas one-shots)

Close Your Eyes Pt 3

Newt doesn't visit him, not once.

When Thomas wakes up, Newt doesn't greet him. He doesn't smile.

He sees the hurt in Thomas' eyes, but he forces himself to stay away.

It's better that way, he thinks. He's gotten too close to Thomas, let him worm his way under his skin. He knew it was dangerous, he was dangerous, but he let his guard down anyways. And he'd almost gotten Thomas killed.

He can't get anymore people killed.

This, this fear, this guilt is what's driving him away. He goes back to how the Glade was. Bosses people around. They stay quiet, scared. They sense his tenseness, and they don't provoke him. Good. That's how it should be. That's how it was, before Thomas came along and ruined everything.

Thomas tries to speak to Newt, at first. He tries to follow him around, convince him nothing's wrong. He asks him questions, tries to make good-natured conversation. Newt ignores him for the most part. The most he's ever said is 'no'.

Newt isn't oblivious to the winces Thomas tries to hide when his arm knocks against something, or the suppressed grunts of pain when he's putting too much weight on the leg he fell on.

I did this, Newt thinks. He almost died because of me.

He dwells on the thought. He shouldn't, he knows that, but he does.

He could have lost him. It would have been so easy, so, so easy for Thomas to go completely crazy, or never wake up. It was possible.

It doesn't feel good.

So he stays away, and a while later, Thomas gets the idea.

Like two sailboats, they drift apart, carried by the bitter currents of what could have been.

~

In a coma, there are times when it's completely dark. Like swimming in dark, murky water. Not exactly drowning, but not staying afloat either. 

Then there are the brief moments of light, when the surface is broken and the real world comes rushing in. 

Thomas can't open his eyes, no matter how much he fights. But he can hear sounds, voices.

And he does.

He hears the Medjacks. They're around the most. He hears a high, feminine voice. The girl- Teresa. More he doesn't recognise.

But he doesn't hear Newt.

He almost doesn't realise it, until he wakes up to an empty feeling. He convinces the Medjacks he's well and good, and he mostly feels the part. When he goes out, he sees Newt, but Newt doesn't see him.

No, it's like Newt looks right through him, as if he wasn't there at all.

They lock gazes, but there's nothing in Newt's. No feelings, nothing. His stare is plain, guarded. 

It's like when they first met all over again.

But Thomas doesn't give up. He's confused, he doesn't know why Newt's acting this way. But he keeps trying. He tries to be casual. He tries to talk to Newt, follows him around. As every day passes, he feels worse. The emptiness in his heart grows bigger. It begins to ache. 

The memories of them, just mere days before, keeps on surfacing in his head. It seems far, far away. He barely remembers his warm smile, his melodic laugh. He doesn't see it anymore.

He's lost Newt. 

The shred of hope grows smaller and smaller.

He stops trying.