𝐅𝐀𝐖𝐍 • ᵉ ʲᵃᵉᵍᵉʳ

what to do

𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝚓𝚊𝚗𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝟹𝟶𝚝𝚑

𝐃𝐎 𝐈 𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍?
I've been debating this for two days, and each time I get close to doing it, I freeze. Mikasa gave me all those words of encouragement, but here I am, shaking in my boots, hovering over my phone like it's some kind of life-altering decision—because, maybe, it is. I'm almost convinced I'm going to puke. My hands are so fucking clammy, I can barely grip my phone.

What if he doesn't even reply? What if he reads it and just... doesn't care? What if he thinks I ignored the letter and moved on?

I don't even know what I'm trying to say. What if I send something stupid like, Hey, thanks for the letter and it comes off as passive-aggressive or worse, like I don't care at all? Or what if I spill my guts out and sound desperate, like some kind of crazy ex? It's been a few days, just a few days. It's ridiculous to still be this unsure, but here I am, heart racing, breathing in short bursts like I'm about to have a fucking panic attack.

I keep typing out messages, then deleting them. I keep glancing over at the unread letter still sitting on my dresser like it's some sort of evil thing, haunting me.

I feel like I'm going to pass out. My hands are shaking so badly that I drop my phone once, catching it just in time. It's a constant back-and-forth in my head: Do I? Don't I? Should I wait a little longer, or should I just get it over with? Why is it so hard to just send a goddamn text?

Staring at Eren's newly unblocked contact, I really start to wonder about my decision.

I close my eyes for a moment, steadying my breath. It shouldn't be this hard. But it is.

The idea of sending something like that makes me cringe. Yo, I'm sorry for blocking you on everything and I actually miss you, wanna come over? What the hell is that? It feels like I'm trying to make some half-assed apology while begging him to come back, and I can't even tell if I want that.

I hate that this is what it's come to. This is not me. This is not how I should be reaching out—if I even should be reaching out at all. God, I'm not one for playing games, but this feels like a game I don't know the rules to.

Maybe I should just say something straightforward? But then... that makes me vulnerable. That opens up the door to disappointment again, to more pain. How do I even begin? "Hey, I saw your letter and I'm trying to figure things out..."? Too vague. What if I sound too cold? What if it doesn't even make sense?

What if he doesn't even want to talk to me anymore?

I rub my face with both hands, letting out a deep breath. This is such a mess. I just want to send something simple, something that doesn't make me feel like a total idiot, but at the same time, I don't want to sound too detached. Every option feels like I'm walking a tightrope, and one wrong word could send everything tumbling down.

But then... maybe that's the point. It's all about taking the leap, right? Even if I end up falling.

I stare at the screen, my finger hovering over the send button. It's short, to the point, and—thank god—not overly complicated. Simple, just like I wanted. It doesn't dive into heavy feelings, doesn't say too much... but it says enough.

Y/N:
Hi Eren. I wanna talk, are you busy tonight?