𝐅𝐀𝐖𝐍 • ᵉ ʲᵃᵉᵍᵉʳ

the loveliest day of the year

𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝚏𝚎𝚋𝚛𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝟷𝟺𝚝𝚑

𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐄'𝐒 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐈𝐒 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋,
𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐋𝐘. Sure, I'm single, but there's something sweet about seeing everyone's joy. I love scrolling through my feed, watching my friends post their cheesy couple photos, holding huge bouquets, and grinning like they're on top of the world. It's like the whole day is dipped in pink and red, a little bubble of love I get to peek into from the outside.

But there's that pang too—just a small ache of missing out, knowing I don't really have anyone to share it with. I think back to my last Valentine's with Kan. It wasn't anything grand—just McDonald's and stuffing our faces with cheap chocolate. I remember we laughed until we nearly choked, sitting in his car with fries between us, like we had our own little world in that moment. It wasn't roses and candlelight, but it was ours. I thought it was enough then.

Now, I guess I wonder if I'll ever have that again. Not just the chocolate and fast food, but someone to make the day feel like it's more than just another date on the calendar.

I wonder what Eren's up to today. I mean, he didn't say anything yesterday about plans, but it's Valentine's—who doesn't have something lined up? Even if he's just out there doing his own thing, I can't help but picture him somewhere, maybe scrolling through his phone or grabbing coffee alone. It's ridiculous to feel a little curiosity mixed with... something else. I don't even know if I'd call it jealousy. It's more like this restless itch, this question hanging in the air about what—or who—he could be spending his time with.

It's strange, though. We've hung out a lot lately, so it's not like I haven't seen him enough. Still, Valentine's feels different. Like there's some invisible divide between people who are spending today together and people who aren't. It's silly—I know that. But my mind keeps drifting back to him anyway, wondering if he's thinking of me too.

I feel as though I've changed. It's hard to pinpoint exactly when it happened, but something shifted. I mean, a lot can change in several months, right? It's like peeling away layers of myself I didn't even know were there. I'm not as closed-off, not as scared to be open... or at least, to crack the cover a little. I'm still an old book, a bit worn around the edges, but one that's willing to be picked up, maybe even read.

September me? She was different. She was bright and carefree in a way that almost felt rehearsed, like she didn't want anyone to see past her cover. She had no interest in guys complicating her life, no need for anyone to pry into her business. But now... it's a whole different story, I think. There's this warmth I can't deny, this strange sense of vulnerability that doesn't feel like weakness. I feel myself thinking of Eren more than I probably should, wondering if he's noticed these changes too, if he's seeing me in this new light—or if maybe he's part of why I've changed at all.

Eren definitely saw right through my facade, like he took one look at the mess I was hiding and thought, "I've gotta change this bitch." And somehow, he's actually doing it. It's kind of terrifying.

Honestly, I lowkey miss my old self—the girl who went to every party, who didn't give a damn about anyone's opinions, and especially didn't have a guy lingering on her every move. I wonder if she was ever truly free, though. Even back then, was Eren lurking around in the back of my mind, waiting to step in? Maybe, in his own quiet, persistent way, he was.

Oh, who am I kidding? Eren has always been there, hiding in the shadows, keeping tabs on me like some kind of predator watching its prey. It's like he's been waiting, waiting for the right moment to step in and wrap me up in his claws. Watching every move I made, his eyes practically burning holes through me, waiting for me to slip up just enough to let him get close.