𝐅𝐀𝐖𝐍 • ᵉ ʲᵃᵉᵍᵉʳ

spring has arrived - so has finals

𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝚊𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚕 𝟸𝟾𝚝𝚑

𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐒𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. I'm so fuckin' happy. The sun's shining, and the warm air's coming through my window, teasing me with its sweet scent of new beginnings. But... finals. Finals are Monday. And that shit can go straight to hell. I've been studying almost every damn day for the past month, but every time I think about the tests, my stomach churns, like I'm about to puke. The pressure's mounting, and I can't shake it.

I'm so grateful we have today off so we can study. I'd be doomed if not.

I'm sitting cross-legged on my bed, textbooks scattered around me like I'm some kind of intellectual hoarder. The soft buzz of the fluorescent lights overhead mixes with the faint sound of traffic outside. I glance at the iced coffee on my desk, condensation dripping down the sides like it's sweating as much as I am. A small plastic baggie with ibuprofen sits nearby, ready for when the headache hits full force.

I look down at myself—food stains on my tank top, the strap hanging off one shoulder like I'm too tired to care. My sweatpants are probably a little too big, but who's judging? I have slippers on, my feet sinking into them as I sit, rereading the same damn chapter for the third time. Nothing's sticking. It's all just swirling in my head.

I try to focus. I really do. But the more I stare at these notes, the more I realize how much of a mess I am. It's like I can't keep up with all the information, no matter how much I study. And the worst part? I don't even have anyone to vent to about it. Well, not anyone who would understand.

The door suddenly creaks open, and Mikasa steps in, dressed in her usual all-black vibe; black tanktop and shorts, her hair pulled back into tiny pigtails.

"You ready for this shit show on Monday?" she asks, tossing a glance at my study session.

I tilt my head back, leaning against my pillows. "I guess. I mean, I've been studying non-stop, but—" I sigh and run a hand through my messy hair. "I feel like I'm about to fail. I just... I can't concentrate."

She raises an eyebrow, clearly not buying my pessimism. "You're fine. I've seen you study. You're more prepared than half the people in this dorm. You're good, trust me."

I wish I could believe her. Instead, I just snort and take another sip of my coffee, trying not to let my nerves show. "If you say so," I mutter.

Mikasa plops down on the edge of my bed, giving me a sideways glance. "Okay, what's really going on?"

I pause. The truth? That I can't stop thinking about Eren. That no matter how much I try to focus on school, he's always in the back of my mind, making me feel like I'm drowning in this emotional whirlpool I can't seem to escape. But I don't say any of that. Instead, I shrug and force a half-smile. "Nothing. Just stressed about finals. You know how it is."

Mikasa doesn't buy it, but she doesn't press further. "Alright, well, just know you're not alone. We'll both survive this hellhole. After this year, you're free... for a bit. Freshman leave is right around the corner."

Freshman leave. The word almost makes me freeze. I didn't think about it until now, but shit, it's looming. I don't know if I'm ready to leave this place behind. To leave everything behind... to leave him behind. My thoughts swirl around like a bad cocktail, and I feel the weight of the world bearing down on me again. But who am I kidding? I'll be back next August.