ACCEPTING 'US'

22.

Shyam's POV:

The way she left me there made me feel lifeless. I am going towards home but I don't understand what to speak to justify myself. I made my way inside to find her in bedroom. I can slightly hear her sobs. I was not able to see her but I can feel how devastated she was. I tried to call her several times but she did not respond.
" Sudha, please once hear me. I will explain you everything. Let me talk " I said trying to make her understand but she didn't open the door. I knocked the door several times but she was adamant and didn't allow me inside. I roamed here and there waiting for her to come out but she was still in. After sometime I sat with my head in hands. I kept thinking about every scenario that could take place. I kept cursing myself for being so selfish and self centred. I could have defended her but I was quiet.
She came out after sometime and I approached her. She was going towards the backyard. Her face was red due to crying and she washed her face.
I held her arm to stop her. She didn't move away nor did she say me something. She kept looking down not reacting.
" Sudha talk to me " I said but she stood motionless.
She went into the kitchen after I left her arm. She kept herself busy in cooking. Her eyes were filling with tears but she didn't allow them to shed. When I observed her saree I couldn't stop myself from admiring her. But she became angry and entered the room. I thought she was doing something related to her work but I was stunned when she started removing the saree and wore another saree. This made me feel so upset. Before she would shy away or smile to my compliments but now she didn't do any of that but directly shoved in my face that she was not happy with my actions.
I went out after sometime as I want to give her some space. Even I needed some fresh air from this tense atmosphere so I went to the shop and had tea. I roamed there for sometime and again went to home. This time maa was with her and I realised it was already noon. She was talking to maa and I understood she was denying to have lunch. My eyes widened when I heard she was not willing to eat lunch too. She said something to maa and entered bedroom. She didn't come out and maa looked at me.
" What happened shyama? " She questioned me.
" Nothing maa. Maybe she is tired or something " I answered.
" I don't understand but I think there is something fishy " she said with furrowed brows.
" There's nothing maa. Don't think too much " I said not looking in her eyes.
" Come let's have lunch. I will talk to her later " she said. I also want to deny but I know if I don't have lunch she will get assurance that something is wrong and I don't want to discuss that matter with maa now.  We both had lunch together but I was not able to eat much with the thought that she is sad and didn't eat anything since morning.
Maa called her again but this time she got to know she has fever. My breath hitched. She was even reasoning that she was missing her dadi. She wanted to go to her village. Maa want to take her to hospital but her eyes filled with tears. I want to comfort her but maa took her in an embrace. I wish I could embrace her and take away all the insecurities but I stood controlling my emotions. When maa realised she was not going to give up she asked her to pack her bag and she did it immediately. She didn't even allow me to hold her bag on her way to bus stop. She refused to come with me and also didn't take water or money offered by me. Literally she ignored my presence. I can feel her eyes getting wet but what bothered me more was that she was going alone that too without anyone with her. She sat in the bus but when I tried giving water through the window she closed it.
When the bus left I felt my piece of heart left with her. Tears filled my eyes and I couldn't stop myself from flowing them. Not only her but my happiness and peace left with her.
From the day she left my presence is only physical. My heart and soul are with her. Maa tried talking to me but I couldn't talk much as my mind was completely filled with her thoughts and face filled with tears. I don't want to share my grief with anyone so I just isolated myself from everyone. There was not much work at field so I would just sit in the grass and my memories filled with her. How we both hugged each other here reminded me every single time. When I went to home I would remember how she would be cooking or cleaning. When I enter the backyard to collect vegetables, the day we spent together flashed in my mind. I was occupied with work that I didn't even realise I zoned out.
" Shyama are you done with picking vegetables or should I come and help you? " Maa asked me. I finished work soon and was about to leave when I saw the hut above the pillars and remembered how she said she wanted to climb that. I understood what to do and how to make up with her after she comes home. With determination I soon went to market with vegetables and finished selling them. I had dinner with maa and laid in bed. All I could remember and feel was her presence beside me.
I got up early in the morning and started my work. After having breakfast I went to field to finish the work soon.
After finishing the work I collected the wooden blocks on the side. I started to cut them into logs. It was exhausting as the wooden blocks were huge. Only hope  with which I worked was to make sudha happy with my work. Maa came with lunch later and I had lunch. She tried talking to me but I kept it minimal.
Again I started with my work. After I finished the work I returned home to take vegetables. I finished the work and again same routine continued.
The only change which occurred is me going to carpenter and making logs of equal shapes. I worked till evening there to get the same sized logs and returned home.
After few days the work of making logs completed and I sighed in relief. I took all the logs to the backyard and started the work of making steps with them. I brought all the items required to make steps like huge nails, hammer etc.
" What are you trying to make shyama? " Maa asked when she observed me working with the logs.
" I am making steps to climb there maa " I said.
" Steps? But why? " She asked confused.
" Not for me but for Sudha. She wanted to climb there but she couldn't. So I want to make steps so that she will be able to climb there whenever she wishes " I said with a smile.
" Wow that's a great idea Shyama. But I am worried about her health. From the day she left we didn't call to know about her well being. I wish I could talk to her and know about her health " mom said. I thought for a moment and realised that she called her home once when we went to town. Maybe that number written paper will be somewhere. I hurriedly entered the room and started searching the shelfs. I throwed everything around and found a small paper with a number in it. I remembered it's the same number Sudha dialed that day. I kept that safely in my pocket and again started making steps with the wooden blocks.
Next morning I went to the phone booth to call her. I tried calling but it didn't connect. I was disheartened when I couldn't call and talk to her.
With a heavy heart I went back home and did my routine.
" Shyam you should stop overworking yourself " Vikas said when he saw me.
" I am not overworking Vikas. I am just working " I shrugged it off.
" I saw how much you were working in the carpenter shop the other day. What's wrong with you? " He asked me.
" I am just trying to make something. That's it. Nothing to worry " I said while avoiding eye contact.
" Shyam don't deny the fact that you are doing everything just to divert your attention. But I am not blind to see how much you miss Sudha " he said placing his hand on my shoulder.
" It's not like that. She wanted to see her dadi so she went to her village " I said.
" Oh so that's the matter " he said. I closed my eyes in frustration as I literally spilled out that sudha was not home and I was working to divert myself.
" Shyam just go to her and talk to her. Don't keep waiting for a proper time. Just go and talk to her and solve the matter. How long will you keep waiting for her? I can see how much you love her. Don't be blind of your own feelings " he said. I repeated his words all over again and realised that I really love her. I didn't even got to know my own feelings and everyone around me was aware of my feelings.
I should soon go to her village and bring her back. I can't wait until I see her and apologise to her. I just wanted to start everything afresh and make her know my feelings towards her.

I am in the middle of something so I couldn't update sooner and a longer chapter. But I tried my best to write this chapter. Please understand and keep supporting me.
It's all because of your votes and comments I don't want to delay the update. Thank you everyone 🙏 ☺️
Keep voting, commenting and following for updates.
Till then bye..