The Day I left You

Fate Has Changed Us

"How are you feeling?" Hyunjin asked me. I was still in the hospital the next few days after. Chris had come back while I was passed out and was freaking out because Hyunjin was in hysterics. He had left for a day once he knew I was okay and went to see his parents.

"I feel...okay, I guess. Still a little difficult for me to breathe, but other than that I'm doing fine."

"Okay good...You scared me...again..." He said to me.

"Yeah...I know." I got really quiet and I felt bad. I felt like utter shit honestly. Knowing this is what he had to be put through just because I had issues...He didn't deserve to assume responsibilities because of what happened to me. He had his own life to live and I knew I was stopping him in some ways. I didn't want to anymore.

"What's wrong...?" Hyunjin sat down next to me in the chair and held my hand.

"I...Hyunjin, I feel...I feel really, really bad."

"Do you need medication? I can call the doc-"

"No...I mean...I feel really bad that you have to do this every time I get unwell, you have to get put through so much when you don't deserve to. I can't stop feeling bad and not a moment goes by where I don't think that you could do better than...me..."

"Love...I don't mind taking care of you..." He hadn't called me that in years. It was nice to hear again, but...even now, it didn't give me the butterflies it once did. I didn't feel much of anything right now. "Are you really going to leave...?"

I sat and thought about it for a second quietly before carefully choosing my words.

"Hyunjin...You know I love you and I always have...but I'm scared this is going to keep you from experiencing everything life has for you...You had a very exciting and adventurous life before me and I kind of just took that away..." I was frustrated. So frustrated. With myself that lunatic Ryan I called a boyfriend at one point.

"You didn't take anything from me...He took something away from you and I'm trying to help you get it back. I want you to experience everything I do and help you feel normal..."

"Hyunjin! I will never have the life I used to have! Don't you get it? Do you see me?? It's been, what, years since the attack and I'm still dealing with the physical issues?? These will never go away! I have to live like this with or without you every day of my life until I die. Do you not see that I'm only keeping you held down??? Why wouldn't I leave if all I see is suffering on both of our ends and we're not even happy together anymore?"

"...Would you really rather leave than work things out with me?"

"At this point, yes. I've spent the last four years feeling this way and the last four years beating myself up about it, trying to convince myself that I was too in my head about it, that you really don't care, but guess what? It's been years since we started dating...What girl wants to wait that many years for a ring...? Have you ever even thought about it?"

Hyunjin closed his eyes and sighed.

"I've thought about it plenty of times, but-"

"But you don't want to truly marry me, do you? And it's because I'm like this, isn't it?"

Hyunjin hangs his head and glances up at me, not even being able to make eye contact, attempting to find an excuse. I make the realization and I sit back in surprise.

"You don't...That's exactly it. You don't want to be attached to this forever and have to deal with all this for the rest of your life like I have to, right?" I started to cry and felt my heart sink to the floor. Hyunjin gets so frustrated that he stands up and balls his fists, grabbing his coat.