Let Me Be the One to Save You

Chapter 7 - Trips to the hospital are dramatic and..slightly awkward?

Warning: This chapter is sad and might be triggering idk. Sorry, but it has to be done. It's part of Grace's personality. If you Don't want to read it, just read the authors note, I'll explain what happened :) 

After we got back to Stellas place and Ashton dropped me off, he walked me to my door and tried to be really sweet. 

Tried

Well that was until I ruined it for him. Let's just say that I shut the door on him after waving a short goodbye. So I was kida rude, but I don't care, he doesn't even mean much to me. I was annoyed that I was softening up to his friends. I hated the fact that I liked them. 

After dinner though, I was feeling like shit. All I wanted to do was crawl into a warm bath and cry until all the pain left inside me was gone. Before the voices came back. The feeling was way too familiar. Now, I didn't need to panic, or get scared. They've sort of become my best friend. 

Except, I hate them.

That's how I got here. Sitting in a warm bath, holding the blade in my hand. I couldn't cry though, the voices were here. Whispering things. I knew that if I cried, they'd get louder. More hurtful. More dangerous. I couldn't afford it. I needed them to disappear as soon as possible. Before I do something stupid.

"Useless"

"Fat"

" you're ugly"

"Just do it already. It's not like anyone will care."

"Them scars have healed too much. Open them again"

"Do it."

'"Do it now"

I couldn't do anything but grab my head, squeeze my eyes shut, and hope for the voices to leave. I hated them. I didn't like this, this feeling. This need. Maybe they'll go away if I just make one small cut. Just one. It probably won't even be that bad..It'll only bleed a little bit. just a small one, won't even matter..

So I did it. I put the blade to my right wrist and pressed down hard enough to pierce the skin. Then I dragged it from one side of my wrist to the other, slowly. The pain was horrible, but it was a nice horrible. Relaxing even. 

"Always cross the road, never go down it."

"Maybe you could try going down. That's what you want right? To die. Thats what everyone else wants"

I shook my head and did it again. I couldn't stop now. The urge was too strong. The blood. It's beautiful when it drips into the water, making a sort of swirl pattern, before disappearing into a pinky colour. 

Is that weird? That I enjoy watching blood make patterns? Is it bad that it's nothing but beautiful art to me? 

"yes. Do it again. You deserve it, you freak"

I did it again. And again. And again. The voices continued. Why weren't they leaving? I'm losing a lot of blood now.. Maybe I should stop. I should probably stop. Maybe they'll go away if I stop. Stop. Grace Stop. 

"No! continue" 

I shook my head, trying to tell the voices inside that I was taking control, tonight. I threw the blade accross the bathroom and gasped. It was almost like something was smothering me, and then it just disappeared. Like I was in a kind of trance.. They were gone now. The voices. They're silent again. 

"Grace, are you okay? You've been in there for a while" Stellas voice echos through the door. I quickly dropped my wrist in the water, in a defencive way and gasped quietly when I realised how much blood there was surrounding the bath tub. The water was almost the same colour as my bood itself and there was even blood around the sides. How long have I been doing it?