Let Me Be the One to Save You

Chapter 20 - Explanations

OH my god, it''s chapter 20 already! Where has my life gone omg?? 

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As soon as i said those words, Lola stood up and practically dragged me to the car. When we got to Luke's house, all the boys were there. Like always. They were always at Lukes house. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever been to Ashton or Michael's houses. We're always at Luke's.

That was about an hour ago. 

Now? Right now, I was pacing infront of my five friends, debating in my head whether or not I was actually ready to tell them my life story. 

All of it. Not just the depression and suicide attempts. Not just my past with my family. But also with the voices and the constant comparison to my mother every time I do something remotely the same as she might have done. 

Luke knows half of it. He doesn't know about the voices yet. 

Ashton? Ashton knows about it all. All except for the comparison, I guess. 

"Are you going to explain what you need to talk to us about?" Calum asked. 

"Give her a minute" Luke glared, already knowing what I've got to say. I stopped walking and stared at each and every one of them. They were all sitting next to eachother on Luke's long couch, all huddled together like little school kids getting introuble for breaking the teachers coffee cup.

"I-I" I started "I need to tell you all something. S-Something none of you here know" I told them. I looked at Luke with pleading eyes as if saying I'm sorry I didn't tell you this. Luke and I have had a really strong bond. We made a deal that none of us could lie to eachother, and I broke that deal. 

"Go on" Michael coached softly. 

"Okay so..God how do I even start this?" I whispered. "Alright so when I was little, my real parents still had..Custody of me. My mum was a hooker and my dad was a full time drug dealer. We used to live in a shack looking thing, and sometimes I'd be left there alone for days" I whispered "I went to school maybe once a term, sometimes not even that. Mum used to bring home guys sometimes you know? My parents weren't right in the head. They'd both lock themselves away and do drugs until they passed out" 

I could feel the tears prickling my eyes as I explained to them my life story "My father was killed because.." I took a deep breath, "Because one of his buyers found out who I was. I was ten years old and this scum wanted me for sex reasons" I cried "I was ten years old and my father actually considered selling me. His own daughter" I whispered again. "He didn't though and that ass went after him for revenge"

I wiped my eyes and avoided eye contact from everyone in the room. "Things got worse from there. My mum didn't just use her job for money anymore. She'd bring them home, just so she wouldn't have to sleep alone. I remember one of them. He advanced on me, but mum had woken up from her daily drug dose, and stopped him. She didn't care about me though, I mean, she just wanted him for herself" 

"When I was twelve, the police came around and did checks. I wasn't sure why, but they did. They found me sitting on the ripped couch. I was skinny and dehydrated. Mum had been past out for a couple of hours. They took her to court and she lost all the custody on me" I told them. "But you want to know the worst part?" I sniffled, "She said I don't care about you, Grace. as she stared directly into my eyes. They were the last words my mother ever said to me before they put me into a foster home" 

"Wow" Calum whispered. Luke nudged him, telling him that it wasn't the end. 

"The cutting started when I started school for real. I got bullied to the extent of bruises and sometimes even broken bones, just because my hair was cut badly and I was really skinny. I remember the first time I dragged the blade across my skin. It felt..Good..In someway..I was finally feeling something, you know?" I told them.