Let Me Be the One to Save You

Chapter 17 - Voices

The first part of this is going to be in Ashtons point of view. Reason being it's easier for me to write it. 

Ashton's POV

Grace pushed her way through the mosh of people about ten minutes ago. I could tell that she was distressed and confused, because not long before she made her move, her eyes were fractically looking everywhere. She was running her hands through her long hair and pulling on it like she wanted to rip it out.

I knew something was wrong. 

I tried to consentrate on the music I was supposed to be playing but I couldn't focus on anything but the girl I've only recently made peace with. The concert should be over soon, and trust me when I say I'm going to search for that beautiful girl until I find her and I'm holding her tight. 

"Thank you Sydney" Luke breathed out after taking a huge gulp of water. I didn't realise the song was over until the crowd cheered and I could actually hear them. "it's been amazing to play for you all again. It's been quite a while" He laughed out

We all bid our goodbyes and then I stood up and stood next to my bandmates. We all took a bow before running off and grabbing the small towels the backstage boys chucked to us. 

"Thanks" Calum stated.

"Somethigns wrong" I told them immediately, "Grace is gone. I saw her run out, but I don't know why. Is Lola still out there?" I asked. Michael nodded as he swallowed a bottle of water all in one go. 

"She was probably just hot" Michael shrugged. Calum nodded with him, but I could tell Luke was as worried as me. I know he knows about grace, but I'm not sure if he knows that I know. I nodded to the dressing room and expected him to follow me. 

"Do you know where she went?" Luke asked immediately, "I saw her walk out too. She looked..."

"Panicked?" I finished

"Yeah"

"We need to find her. I'll go back to her place, and you and the boys search town?" I suggested. He nodded and we both walked out of the dressing room again. All I can do is pray that she hasn't done something stupid. 

Grace's POV

I knew nothing good was going to come from this. I knew that if I went here -Again- I'd have not only a broken Luke, but also a guilty conscience. 

Just do it

I sat in the corner of my room, tears streaming down my face, and the blade sitting about twenty centimetres away from me. I needed this, but at the same time I didn't want it. What if I go too deep again? They'll send me to the mental institute for sure. No more chances, Grace. This will be your last chance. It's the law. 

You'll get away with it. No one cares about you, remember?

But what about the bracelet? Ashton cares...Doesn't he? I mean, why would he try to make peace with me if he didn't want to be my friend, right?

He still considers you a fan. 

But he said...

He didn't mean it. They all know you aren't going to be here much longer. As soon as you crack, you're gone

I grabbed my hair inbetween my hands and screamed into thin air. The house was empty, but even if it wasn't, I don't think i'd be able to keep in my cries. I needed these voices to get out of my head. I needed them to disappear. They're telling me nothing but lies. 

Right..?

"GRACE!" I heard someone yell from downstairs. It soon followed by running footsteps, and before I could process what was happening, Ashton was kneeling infront of me. His eyes were watery, as he grabbed my wrists. "What are you doing?" He whispered, "Did you hurt yourself?" He asked me. 

I shook my head and fell into his shoulder. 

He doesn't care

"Go away" I whispered

"What?" He asked me, pulling away. I shook my head immediately, trying to tell him I wasn't talking to him. But how do I explain to him. Someone normal that i'm talking to the voices inside my head? Would he understand?

Why would he care about you? You're ugly and fat and you don't deserve to li-

"STOP!" I screamed, grabbing my head between my hands. Ashton jumped back, and watched me as I rocked back and forth on the floor. I could feel his burning eyes watching me as I fell apart infront of him. Why now? Why is he here? 

No idea, honestly. He doesn't care.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I screamed. I thrashed and tore at the bed next to me as I started banging my fists against the soft material.

"grace!" Ashton whispered, pulling me into a hug. I continued to thrash as the voices continued

Ugly

Fat

You aren't worth it

"Grace, stop" He whispered "it's just me, I'm here" He breathed. I felt my arms grow weak as he held me in a tight hug. I could feel the warmth radiating thorughout my body as we sat there in quiet, the only noise was my loud sobs and his heavy breathing. 

"Why me?" I whispered. I squeezed my eyes, hoping the voices wouldn't reply to me. 

"Grace what were you hearing?" He asked me quietly. 

"I'm so ugly" I whimpered, "I'm not worth living here. No one loves me." I cried, "Why do they haunt me? Why me?" I repeated. I don't get it. I know people don't hear voices. I know it's not normal that these things are telling me this shit. 

"Grace, you need help" He whispered, "It's your own voice. You're telling yourself those things" He told me. I shook my head vigorously. No way. I was definitely not telling myself those things. "Shh," He soothed "It's okay to admit it to yourself, okay?" 

"I don't want to go anywhere" I whispered "I've been to one of them things. I've visited, I can't stay there, Ash" I cried. I could feel my body shaking violently at the thought of needing to go to one of those places. But will I? What will happen if I don't get better?

He sat in silence for a few minutes, and I began to grow worried. Was he going to tell Stella? Was he going to make me stay at a mental hospital? I don't think I'd be able to take it, if I did. I think it'd make me feel worse if I had to sit in a small room and constantly wonder why I'm there. 

"You won't have to" He finally said. "I'll help you," He breathed out, "I want to protect you from anything or anyone that was hurting you, even if that's yourself, but you need to promise me something" He said softly

"What?" I asked him. We were just cuddling on the ground now. I had completely given up on trying to fight back. I liked the feeling of him close to me. I liked the warmth I was feeling in my heart. For once I wasn't feeling complete emptiness

"If it doesn't work, you need to go, okay? I can't let you give up on yourself, Grace"

I nodded and wiped my face again. 

I have to get better before it's too late. 

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Hi guys! :) 

I'm so sorry it's taken so long to update! I've got personal issues going on at the moment and it's really hard for me to find the motivation to write :( 

GIVE ME SOME POINTERS! What would you like to see happen to Grace? Do you want her to go to a mental hospital? (It wouldn't be for the entire book if it was to happen) PLEASE TELL ME!

Comment apples if you read this okay