Tan wakes up to the dull light of morning filtering through his curtains. His eyes feel raw, heavy from the tears he shed the night before. He stares at the ceiling, feeling an ache deep inside, an emptiness that doesn't seem to go away.
"Another day... same as the last. Smile, laugh, try to fit in... even when I don't."
He takes a deep breath, willing himself to get up. Each movement feels like he's wading through water, as if something invisible is holding him down. But he knows he has to keep going. He's always been good at pretending, at putting on that mask, even if he feels like he's crumbling inside.
He pulls himself out of bed, walks to the bathroom, and stares at his reflection. His eyes are red and tired, betraying the sadness he hides so well.
"Come on... just put on the smile, Tan. They don't need to know."
Slowly, he forces a small smile, practicing the expression he'll wear around his friends. The reflection stares back, the smile looking almost real, but he knows better. It's a mask, a shield, hiding the loneliness he can't seem to escape.
Tan dresses quickly, slipping on his uniform, brushing his hair, and trying to look put together. As he grabs his bag, he feels the familiar weight settle back onto his shoulders a heaviness he's come to accept.
"Maybe today will be different. Maybe today... someone will see me."
But deep down, he doesn't truly believe it. With one last deep breath, he steps out the door, ready to face another day of pretending to be okay.
:Arriving at University
Tan walks onto campus, eyes scanning the familiar scene. He spots Q and Pun goofing around by the entrance, Q playfully nudging Pun, who laughs and shoves him back. Tan stops, watching them, a dull ache settling in his chest.
**Tan's Thoughts:** *"If I disappeared... would anyone even notice?"*
He's surrounded by people who claim to care, who invite him out, laugh with him, make him feel included-but it never lasts. There's a disconnect he can't explain, a feeling that he's somehow just... there, but never really part of it all.
He forces a smile as he approaches them, slipping on his usual mask. After all, his friends see him as the happy one, the one who's always laughing, always fine. None of them know the heaviness he carries alone.
Q noticing Tan and calling out "Tan! You're finally here, slowpoke!"
Tan laughs, raising a hand in a wave, and joins them. But even as he laughs, he feels like he's standing outside of himself, watching his own performance.
They start walking toward class together, and Tan finds himself drifting slightly behind, listening but not fully present. The sounds of their laughter echo around him, but he feels like he's in a different world, separated by an invisible barrier.
As they reach the classroom, Tan looks around, taking in the faces of his friends as they joke and talk. His heart sinks further as he realizes he's not truly part of their moments; he's just a spectator, laughing along, even as his chest feels hollow.
"I wish... just once... that someone would see through the mask. That someone would notice how tired I am of pretending."
:After Class
The bell rings, signaling the end of class, and the students slowly shuffle out of the room. Tan gathers his things, feeling the weight of the day already pressing down on him. He takes a deep breath and makes his way to the hallway, where he spots Phum chatting with a few other classmates.
