The Heart Crusher (The Affluents Series: Pastel Hearts Playbook #1)

Chapter 8

Solasta Hartz

"If it's love, it would've hurt. Every individual has the right to feel pain and feel hurt, stomping and suppressing one's feelings can lead to one's destruction. So cry if you must, cry if you're hurt."

The exams were already announced, most of the students are feeling on edge. It's not just a normal exam, it will speak for our position and places in this school. If we're worthy enough to be bathed in this luxurious privilege that this school provides us, if we're giving back the same honor and privilege they give to us.

Especially me, I feel like I'm more and more stressed these days after the announcement of the exam, I feel so sore everywhere after managing to read as many books as I can to be fully prepared.

I was currently arranging my stuff in my room, wondering what was Caspian doing. These days he hasn't been going out of his room as usual, making me find of worried for his well-being. I've never even seen him come out for a quick bite, I tried countless times and knocked on his door but he always shuts me out.

I was in the middle of reviewing my list of books that I needed to review when I noticed that some books that's on the list, I don't even have a copy. They usually hand our free copies to students scholarship and let thw privileged buy for themselves, which is fair considering it's not really much to ask for. The school is literally forming or shaping us to be someone in the future and have career paths and offers opportunities lining up for us if we do well.

The school is basically a lucky card that every parent would want for their children, so even if they can't afford it, they sign up for scholarships to enter this school. Because once you get inside, you're going to have a tough but great time, and once you go outside, you'll be able to have many opportunities awaiting for me.

Not just for academically skilled learners, they're also basically raising athletes, who would hopefully make it to the national team. This school is the best one in Aurora City, top notch, expensive, high quality, balanced and a very good established motto and code.

"I need to go to the bookstore..." I muttered as I grabbed my purse and went outside my room, I gently knocked on Caspian's door before speaking.

"I'm going to the bookstore, incase you look for me."

When I hear no response, I just made my way outside, I immediately called a taxi. I can't really drive and our driver seems to be in a day off today, no one is blaming him. Importante rin na makasama ang pamilya paminsan-minsan, para mas tumatag ang bond nila sa isa't isa.

Nang makarating ako sa loob ng bookstore ay agad akong pumunta sa aisle kung saan ko makikita ang mga hinahanap kong mga libro, pagtingin tingin pa ng kaunti hanggang sa may makita akong isa. Agad ko itong kinuha at naglakad lakad ulit para maghanap pa ng mga kailangan kong mga libro.

Sa kalagitnaan ng paghahanap ko ay may nahagip ang mga mata ko, isang pamilyar na babae, ngumiti ako nang malaman kong si Monique ang babaeng 'yun. Akmang tatawagin ko sana siya nang bumagsak ang ngiti sa mukha ko, parang nawala lahat ng gana sa buong katawan ko nang makita ko kung saan patungo si Monique.

Dahan-dahan itong lumapit sa isang table, bawat apak sa sahig ay parang sinasaksak ako, na para bang pinapatay ako ng paulit-ulit habang nakatingin sa kanya.

Umupo siya sa harap ng isang pamilyar na mukha, nakita ko na naman kung paano nag iba ang tingin sa mga mata niya, bahagya pa itong ngumiti kay Monique. Isang ekspresyon na hindi ko akalaing makikita ko mula sa kanya, napaatras ako sa nakita ko, pilit at mahigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa mga librong bitbit ko.

Naguusap. Gusto kong lumapit at makinig pero hindi ko magawa, para bang naka dikit lang ang dalawang paa ko sa sahig, hindi rin ako makatingin sa ibang direksyon. Para bang gusto ng buong katawan ko na tumingin sa eksena at saktan ang sarili ko.

Parang naghahanap pa ito ng sariling sakit, pinipilit na masaktan. Para ano? Para umiyak na naman ako? Pero iba... Iba ang pakiramdam ng mga luhang unti-unting tumutulo mula sa mga mata ko, malamig, puno ng pait at sakit. Ganito ba dapat?

Halos gusto kong magwala sa harapan nila, kung paano nila ako ipahiya kahit ako lang ang nakakakita na may mali, may mali... para sa akin.

Si Caspian at Monique ay masayang nag-uusap, na para bang walang anuman ang importanteng nagaganap sa paligid. At heto ako sa gilid, pinapanood sila, paulit-ulit na nagdadasal na maging bahagi sa buhay ni Caspian. Sa mundong alam kong hindi ko kailan may ay maabot, ang mundo ni Caspian na hindi ko maaring pasukin. Mundong hindi ko kayang pasukin, mundo ni Caspian na ibinahagi at binuksan niya kay... Monique.

Ilang beses kong gustong maging parte ng mundo ni Caspian ngunit nanatili itong nakasara, ngayon ay binuksan niya ito para kay Monique. Wala akong karapatang masaktan, dahil unang-una hindi naman sinabi ni Caspian na mahal niya ako, ni hindi ko minsang naranasan na maging parte ng mundong ginagalawan niya.

Pero, tao lang din ako... Kaya kong masaktan, wala man akong karapatan... Masakit pa rin, parang nawala lahat ng pinahirapan ko. Lahat ng effort ko, kung si Monique lang naman pala ang gusto. Halata naman, pero mas pinili ng utak kong 'wag masyadong isipin. Kasi akala ko na... pwede pa akong maging parte ng mundo ni Caspian.

"Sa iba... sa iba niya binuksan ang pintuan, Solasta.." Ani ko sa sarili, nanginginig ang boses at tuloy-tuloy ang pagagos ng luha mula sa aking mga mata.

Kay Monique at hindi sa akin...

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DISCLAIMER
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This is a work of fiction. Any characters, places, events, businesses and incidents are the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious way or manner. Any resemblance of the actual person, dead or alive and actual events or actual places are purely coincidental and doesn't mean to offend anyone.

Most of the content in this story are fiction and any other places doesn't exist in the real world so as the businesses. I apologize if the characters of the stories has the same name as your dead love ones, again this is a work fiction and all resemblance in the real world are completely coincidental and doesn't mean to offend anyone.