The Heart Crusher (The Affluents Series: Pastel Hearts Playbook #1)

Chapter 9

Solasta Hartz

I was silent when I got home, closed the door a little louder knowing I won't be disturbing anyone because he isn't home, he's with the love of his life.

I settled down on the big couch, resting my head back as I dropped all my newly bought books onto the coffee table, feeling the weight of this seemingly weird feeling in my heart that's constantly pounding in an hurtful manner.

"Why should I be hurt? I'm just... his fiancé, not even by choice." I muttered to myself as I continue to look at the ceilings, spacing out and hoping that an unknown force just come and eat me alive right now and right here.

"I wasn't really listening to him before, now it makes sense. I should keep my distance, from him."

I heard my stomach made a grumbling sound as I caressed it gently before standing up, going to the kitchen and try to cook some food to please my hungry stomach.

Tiningnan ko ang mga cabinet at refrigerator at napag desisyon kong magluto ng creamy mushroom soup, habang nagluluto ay kumuha ako ng dalawang plato.

"Dalawang... plato?" Ani ko pa bago ibalik iyong isa.

"Bilisan mong kumain, ayaw kong malate. Bakit ba nag-aabala ka pa at sinasayang mo ang oras mo sa mga wala namang kwentang bagay? Sa susunod 'wag ka ng magluto para sa akin, mag-isa kang kumain at siguraduhin mong maaga ka ring matatapos. Nakakaabala kana. Hanggang kailan mo balak maging pabigat sa buhay ko, Solasta?"

Ayaw niyang inaabala ko siya, ayaw niyang kumain na kasama ako, sino ba naman kasi ako para ipagluto at ayain siyang kumain kasama ako. I was crossing a line I didn't know existed back then, ang sama ko talagang tao.

Habang hinihintay ang pagkain ay kumuha ako ng isang librong binili ko kanina, agad ko itong binasa habang tinitignan ang linuluto ko, multi tasking kasi malapit ang ang exams. Ang exam na magtuturo o magiging daan para malaman ko kung mabuting anak ba ako sa mga magulang ko, kung hindi ko ba sinayang ang mga efforts at perang nagastos nila sa akin.

Natigil ako sa pag-iisip nang marinig ko na bumukas ang pinto, sa yapak palang ang kilala ko na kung sino iyon, kami lang din naman ang nakatira dito. Akmang babatiin ko sana siya nang pigilan ko ang sarili ko bago pa man ako makapagsalita, itinuon ko ang atensyon ko sa libro at pagluluto.

Tama na, Solasta.

Dumiretso ito sa kusina at mukhang gulat itong makita ako sa kusina, tumingin lang di  ako sa kanya, hindi ko kayang ngumiti sa harap niya ngayon. Napatingin ito sa isang plato sama tumingin ulit sa akin, pero wala akong ginawa at muling itinuon ang atensyon ko sa linuluto.

Binuksan nito ang refrigerator at kumuha ng isang energy drink bago tumingin sa akin, hinayaan ko lang ito at nagpanggap na nagbabasa ng libro habang tinitignan ang linuluto.

"I did not see you at the bookstore earlier, where were you?"

I bit my lower lip as I tried not to say something rude to him, it's taking all of my power not to lash out like an idiot infront of this man.

You didn't see me earlier because you were busy, busy looking at Monique. Maybe if you had looked around a little, you might have seen me, recognized me, and maybe even better acknowledge me. But then again, who am I to complain when you look so happy talking to her. And who am I to stop you, who am I to stop you from loving someone whom you clearly cherish, I'm no one, Caspian. No one.

"I was at the bookstore."

"Which area?"

"Math, why?"

"Nothing, I just want to make sure you're not fooling around. I don't want you to ruin my and my family's reputation because of some other guy you're seeing. I don't mind if you have other guys, as long as you're keeping it and being as discreet as possible about it."

I can't help but feel a bit annoyed at his words, he talks as if he doesn't fool around and discreet about it, it's so obvious even for an idiot like me. I didn't mind the insult he told me now, all I wanted was for him to just straight up and admit to me what he was doing.

Maybe I did like him at some point in my life, maybe I didn't, maybe it was pressure, maybe it wasn't. But still...

"I won't.."

I softly said as I hopelessly watch him nod, without explanation. I wanted to ask him millions of questions that I have in my mind, I wanted to ask him why is he doing this to my heart, why is he making it difficult for me to breathe, why is he sucking me so hard that I couldn't nor could no longer find an energy to get up after being down so many times.

Why does he hate me so much, why does he always glare and look at me like I was some pest just fooling around him, why doesn't he try to like me in the slightest like what I've been trying to do with him.

Is that so hard? Too much? Too much to ask?

The questions in my mind filled with strong emotions, I don't know how long I'm going to hold on, I don't know how long I can keep smiling around him, I don't know how long I can keep trying. I don't know.

Every individuals has it's own limits, and I think I'm nearing to mine. If he can't pretend nor try to like me in the slightest, why should I keep trying? I'm the only one who'll get hurt and get tired eventually, not him, but me.

But again, who am i to ask for some reason why he did it, he has a life, his world. A life I couldn't have a part on, a world I couldn't be part of.

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DISCLAIMER
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This is a work of fiction. Any characters, places, events, businesses and incidents are the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious way or manner. Any resemblance of the actual person, dead or alive and actual events or actual places are purely coincidental and doesn't mean to offend anyone.

Most of the content in this story are fiction and any other places doesn't exist in the real world so as the businesses. I apologize if the characters of the stories has the same name as your dead love ones, again this is a work fiction and all resemblance in the real world are completely coincidental and doesn't mean to offend anyone.