Carry Me Out

WASN'T / I THOUGHT

Weird, I haven't known him before,
Thought it was fine, but it wasn't.
Lucidity is a gleam in his eyes
Vague in reality, trenchant in daydream,
I liked how it glows, it was pure beauty
But truth is, it wasn't.
I thought a cocoon is a chrysalis
And vice versa, or so I thought it was—
But it wasn't, so change is different,
Like this beating, it was both at night
And at day. Through the portcullis
Of his aura, it was not something I thought
That was not inviting, for it truly was inviting,
And of slow rythm I thought it wasn't
A song, a-beating was a calm heart
That lurks in his core, not a song, I heard it.
A beating I thought for me, but it wasn't.
I thought of him and I wasn't this in love before,
Or so I thought this was love I feel—it wasn't.
Even I'd want to feel his lips on mine,
Or listen to his breaths in pleasure
Like how I'd listen to the sound of breeze
In Bugasong's shore—I would never have
That will to tell him I love him, or so
I thought this is love. I believe it wasn't.
But this feeling, like my country: of blood
And flesh that burns under nothing
But beliefs that saves nothing, like
Believing I love him. And this feeling,
Like manifesto that whispers
"Cogito, ergo sum" I feel passionate toward
Him, but I think I do not, therefore I am not.
I thought it was real, but it wasn't,
He wasn't, or so I thought he was.