Over the Edge [ Lupin x Evans ]

Chapter 8: Moony's guilt

"Darling, I know you really want to, but you can't... Don't cry now, look at me." Hope Lupin gently lifted her seven-year-old son's chin so that he could look into her eyes. "You're sick, and we don't want the other children to get sick too, do we?" She smiled at him through her tears. The little boy nodded sadly.

For the past two years, his parents had drilled into him that he couldn't play with the other children, because he might hurt someone. Even though he was only seven, he already felt inferior to others, flawed and broken. He thought he wasn't worth playing with.

Hope moved towards the kitchen, and little Remus was left alone, watching his peers play on the hill nearby. Some boys were kicking ball, others were swinging from the branches of the nearest tree like little monkeys. The girls were skipping rope and pushing their dolls in prams. The air was filled with shouts and laughter, which echoed in Remus' ears. Unfortunately, almost every day, he had to watch the other children's games, never able to take part. He stood by the window with tears in his eyes, dreaming of having friends with whom he could share adventures. He wiped his eyes and sat at his little desk. Then picked up a piece of paper and began to draw. It was a good way to pass the time. He painted his dreams and plans, though deep down, he had a feeling that none of it would ever come true. After all, he was sick, deformed, and dangerous. At least that's what he had heard from his parents and the neighbours, who always whispered so strangely.

His mother had never wanted him to feel that way, even though she spoke the truth. Out of love for him, she imposed restrictions and taught him the rules. She kept telling herself that he was only a few years old and that when he grew up, he would understand everything perfectly. But she never anticipated the negative effect it would have on his psyche. The truth was, Remus grew up believing that he was dangerous and ill, which had a significant impact on his future. Still, it would be untrue to say that Hope didn't love him.

This time, Remus drew three boys, with himself beside them. They all wore shining armours and held swords in their stick-like hands. Next to them was a dragon and several hippogriffs, creatures for which he had a particular fondness. Behind them, in a towering castle, he drew a princess with red hair, waiting to be rescued. He had seen a scene like that once in a muggle cartoon. He pushed the drawing away from him and smiled at it. He closed his eyes, imagining himself as a knight rescuing the princess. A moment later, his gaze shifted back to the window, and his face twisted in sadness.

⤝°♦°⤞

"How are you, my friend?" Albus Dumbledore asked, seated in a chair beside Remus' bed. The boy stirred, blinking at the headmaster as his thoughts slowly returned to clarity. He realised that he was no longer seven years old and was instead in the Hospital Wing.

"What are you doing here, Professor?" he inquired, looking around. The sun blazed into both their eyes, for the morning was truly lovely.

"I wanted to check on your health, my boy. I can see you're feeling a bit better," Dumbledore replied with a smile. "But tell me, do you remember anything from the last full moon?" he lowered his voice.

Remus pondered this, but nothing came to mind.

"Unfortunately not. It's never happened that I remember anything specific. Sometimes I catch vague glimpses of images, but nothing more," he explained sadly. "But I think I know why I fell ill."

The headmaster regarded him carefully over the rim of his half-moon spectacles.

"I miscalculated the night of the full moon. I was sure it would fall on a Friday, but unfortunately, it was on Thursday. Because of that, I barely managed to get into the Forbidden Forest. I usually only stay near the Shrieking Shack or its surroundings to minimise the risk." Of course, Lupin had no intention of confessing to Dumbledore that he often wandered near Hogsmeade with the Marauders as well. "I believed I wasn't venturing that far. This time, I ended up in that part of the forest by accident."