Over the Edge [ Lupin x Evans ]

Chapter 11: London without a plan

The red-haired Gryffindor and the tall, lanky werewolf strolled slowly towards a small art house cinema near the British Museum. Lily had been here many times with her parents, and she loved the cosy atmosphere. Besides, it was the only cinema that showed old black-and-white films every night.

"You said you like walking alone at night?" she mentioned, hopping over a puddle. Remus smiled to himself. Could prowling around as a big, furry beast really be called 'walking'? Possibly.

"Yes... I like doing a lot of things alone," he admitted aloud. "Once, I even had plans to take a solo hike through the Caledonian Mountains, the ones surrounding Hogwarts."

"Alone? That sounds a bit risky. If anything happened to you, you'd be completely on your own. No one would be there to help."

"That's one of the reasons I wanted to go alone," he said.

Lily shook her head, puzzled by his words, and retorted:

"So, you'd want something bad to happen to you?"

"Of course not. But... I'd like for that possibility to be there. There's something almost compelling about standing on the edge of danger," he sighed. "I guess I can't explain it any better."

"That sounds quite worrying, Lupin."

"I'm used to people not understanding me," he replied with a faint smile.

Lily gave him a long, thoughtful look. She didn't fully understand his words, but something in her wanted to reassure him that he wasn't alone, that there were people who cared, that he had friends. She wanted to tell him it would be alright.

"I think I'm starting to worry about you," she admitted after a moment.

"That's kind, but there's no need," he replied. "Honestly, it's not worth it."

Lily stopped and stared at him with a challenging look.

"What do you mean, 'it's not worth it'? That's a ridiculous thing to say. What if I told you to stop talking to me just because I'm muggle-born, and that I'm not worth your time?"

Remus turned to her and smiled calmly.

"That's not true. Besides, this is different. I know it's worth talking to you. I know what I get out of it. And I like it."

"That doesn't change the fact that what you're saying makes no sense. Every person is worth caring about, Remus. It just means I care about you, that's why I'm saying this," she said firmly. "I would also add that the first better 'someone', wouldn't bother, and friends usually care."

"You're right," he sighed, to her surprise, as she'd clearly been gearing up for a longer speech. "But I still have one objection. I believe that... without one hundred percent trust, there can't be real friendship. I assure you, you can trust me. But I can't do the same."

Lily looked taken aback. For a moment, it felt like he'd punched her right in the stomach. Was he really saying he couldn't trust her, that they weren't – and wouldn't be – friends? She'd always thought that anyone she got along with was automatically a friend. Seeing things from Remus's perspective, she was suddenly surprised. He saw things very differently. Lily was starting to truly enjoy his company and didn't want to give up on him. Perhaps she could win his trust after all.

"You know, Lupin, I like complicated people. I actually enjoy that trait in you."

"Which one?" he asked, surprised. Truthfully, he'd half-expected her to get mad and storm off. But that hadn't happened.

"The fact that you have a force field around you. You're a challenge."

"That's a nice way of putting it." A faint smile crossed his worried face.