revenant || sebastian sallow.

CHAPTER TWELVE.

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Moments like this were fleeting. As much as I wanted to keep them firm in my grasp, the consequences of my own actions would rip them away. That, I had trouble coming to terms with.

I had been entirely selfish. To love Sebastian as I did, knowing that I would only anger him with my defiance. But was it even my place to put blame on myself, given the things he had done to me?

I used to think the worst was over. That my body was now almost fully healed from the effects of the blood magic. That I no longer had to suffer to make him happy. However, I did wonder if he had been taking his own life essence in the place of my own.

I couldn't form a definite answer, given his current state. He was no longer pale, and his peachy colored skin had returned in full bloom. Like seeing him walk out of the cold winter he had put himself in while he was alone, and angry at the world.

Looking down at him while he laid his head in my lap, his eyes closed, peaceful, awakened a feeling I hadn't felt in a while.

This heart-wrenching guilt for being willing to put him in position to get heart broken over my betrayal. This had been my plan all along, to keep him from Sanguis Vita, yet, my mind debated that end goal now.

I had to remind myself about the necessary sacrifice the potion required. How the uncertainty of what or who Sebastian planned it to be, was enough for me to keep it from happening.

Sebastian had always been emotionally driven. His grief and frustration guiding his mind and body, leading him on a path of no return. One being when he killed Solomon.

As I ran my fingers through his soft, brown hair, the breeze hitting my face allowed me to relax for a slight moment, freeing me from the chambers of my mind.

The meadow in which we were sitting in was a way away from Hogsmead, but a short walk from Hogwarts. It was a spot I had discovered one morning, flying on my broom.

I remembered thinking then, how much I would enjoy sitting here with a lover, a partner, in the future.

Here I sat with Sebastian now, wondering what we were at all.

The question hadn't been brought up. I dreaded asking, fearing I wouldn't receive the answer I would like. Though the curiosity burned in me, I held back. It was early afternoon, the sun high set in the sky, keeping us warm. The trees surrounding us gave us a bit of shade, protecting me from the rays that would surely threaten to burn my delicate skin.

Sebastian groaned as he moved a bit, but went back to sleeping. We had talked a bit before he dozed off. Conversing about that night in his dorm.

Sebastian had teased me for having been so timid, insisting we should put out the candles that had been dimly lighting the room. His laugh had brought me immense joy as he thought I was being 'utterly ridiculous'. At least he could still laugh and enjoy life, as he deserve to do so.

I wanted that for him. That's all I wanted for him. Happiness, peace, content. Something he never seemed to have. Sebastian always wanted something he couldn't reach. Dark magic, a bond with his uncle, emotional control, Anne's life.

I kept looking down at him in peaceful slumber as I went through my wreck of internal monologue thoughts. I found myself counting the light brown freckles on his cheeks and nose, thinking to myself that I would give him 43 kisses in payback for my betrayal. If he even wanted anything to do with me after he found out...which would be soon.

I was delaying the plan to keep this. Ominis was growing irritated with me and my hesitation to go through with it all. I wanted to tell myself that he was only angry cause he didn't understand, but I knew he did. If anything, Ominis understood too much. He knew what I had gotten myself into, and the fact I couldn't pull myself out.