The Unwanted Kim

chapter 14

Doctor gave sedatives to Seokjin.
"I have told you many times that these panic attacks could cause him his life someday, don't trigger him he is already suffering due to depression, it would push him to another attack and might be another..." Doctor left without completing.

Mrs Kim cried, Namjoon stood confused and nervous everyone went to their rooms without dinner.

Seokjin's pov:
Five years ago, I thought I took revenge for what Yoongi did to me, I failed to recognize I was actually destroying myself, I lost humanity that day. All I could felt was guilt, remorse and hate for myself I should had died inside my mother's womb my very existence is disgust for myself.

Everytime I close my eyes I could see baby, his cries didn't let me sleep. I can see myself butchering little body. His blood was on my hands.

Sometimes I see myself pulling out alive baby out of my womb and choking it, I was laughing like monster.

Sometimes I can hear voices "murderer"
"Mama why you killed me"
"Mama it hurts"
"Mama please don't leave me...mama"
"Mama what I did wrong? Why you threw me?"

When I couldn't take it more I decided to join him, to end this pity excuse of my existence I decided to end this misery and punishment.

I cut my wrist, the flowing blood was looking great same blood flowed in his wrist, why I became so heartless? Why he could have been with me, sucking on my bosom, sleeping in my arms, snuggling in my warmth, crying for my attention.

My little soul, this is my punishment for being selfish, and inconsiderate to my own blood Namjoon is my brother but what I did to him he must have cursed me. And why not, all I ever did was to hurt him.

But they saved me, it was Taehyung who came in my room although they all left me suffer yet he came to check up on me when I didn't came out of room. They cared for me, someone like me I felt more guilty but they put little Hani in my arms
"Hyung she is your child it's your duty to raise her" Jungkook told me.

Little soul snuggled into my chest, I can't help but fell for her. I still call my child in my dreams I can only meet him there now.

Sometimes running after him, caring for him but I never able to see his face until I saw Soobin the child in my dreams got face.

That's what I am afraid of I don't to become old Seokjin, my longness to make him mine is getting strong. I want him to call me mama, to run to me for everything, I want to have all rights on him.

Why I am like this? Even with Hani I don't feel so possessive. Gosh I don't want yoongi to do anything to my Soobin.

I want Namjoon happy, I want Soobin happy I wish I could make everyone happy but I am failing.

I came out of my room in afternoon, to see Hani was playing with Soobin and Nami.

I sat there looking at them, wish we could also been normal siblings. When Namjoon came with milk shakes for older.

"Hani! Dumplings drink your shakes!" Namjoon told them.

Both ran to him, "mama seokie you want some?" Hani asked me I shook "no baby you drink" I told her.

"Mommy! I miss dadda!" Soobin told Namjoon.

"Dadda will come for your birthday!" Namjoon hugged him.
"Really?" His eyes shone he kissed his mother's lips and eyes Namjoon giggled at his cute actions and I imagined myself in namjoon's place.

I left I can't it wrong, I can't let my devil took over me I will stay away from both it is only right thing to do.

Yoongi's pov:
I should start designing child's room I called best interior designer.