Cracked

Chapter 5

"Hey, Mom? It's Daniel. I know you're probably at the hospital or something, so don't worry about calling me back. I just wanted to let you know that Saturday is family day. So, uh, if you wanna come... That would be awesome. It's from noon to 3:00, I think. We have lunch together and stuff. If you can't come I totally get it. I know that Ed was about to have a surgery or something... whatever. I won't be upset. E-even if you can't come for the whole thing though, it would be really awesome if you could just pop in for like, an hour or something. Uhm... Thanks. Love you. I... I hope I see you soon."

I hang up the phone after a moment of awkward silence. While other people are spending their free time swimming or playing arcade games or texting, I've spent the past 20 minutes working up the courage to call my mom. I don't remember the last time we talked. She just sort of dropped me off and zoomed away. Probably makes life easier for her now that I'm here, huh? She can stay at the hospital for ridiculous amounts of time without having to worry about her other son. Whatever.

I'm startled by a noise at the door.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your talk with your mom or whatever. Just... came to get my sketchpad." Asia says, shuffling awkwardly.

I smile. Okay, self, here goes your shot to repair things. Be careful. "It's cool. I mean, it's your room too." I chuckle. "Hey, man, you don't have to keep being weird around me, okay? We're good. Right? I mean, I'm good if you are." I put my hand out. "Bros?"

Asia shakes my hand, smiling. Apparently he was just as eager to end the tense air between us. "Bros." He agrees with a grin.

Dear God, why do you tempt me? His hand is so tiny in mine, so pale. And when he grins, I see it. The dimple of mass temptation. If he wants to just be bros he has to stop tempting my gay heart. I'm too fragile for this.

We both jump a bit when my phone starts buzzing. I pale. My mom is calling me back? It took enough courage to call her knowing she wouldn't answer. Actually talking to her? I shiver just thinking about it. But I mean, I just left that message. There's no way she'll believe I'm gone.

Asia nods towards my phone and shrugs sympathetically before disappearing back into the hallway, sketchpad in hand. Looks like I'm alone.

I pick up the phone timidly. "Hello?" I ask, trying to stay chipper.

"Hello, Daniel."

My stomach drops to my feet. Mom. I just saw her a couple days ago, but this will be the first time in a very long time that we've had a one on one conversation. You'd think we'd have a lot of them, living in the same house and all, but the only topic tends to be things regarding schedules and my brother. Having her undivided attention and myself as the only topic of conversation? Unthinkable. And yet it's happening. I feel sweat running down my forehead.

"Hey, Mom. Thanks for calling back. How's Ed?" I say, trying to avoid how therapy is going as much as possible. Having an in depth discussion with my mom would just be ridiculous. I'll try to stay on easier topics.

"Oh, he's doing very well, actually. They started him on his new meds yesterday right after I dropped you off. But enough cancer talk. How's therapy going?" she says. I can hear her soft smile all the way from here. Oh, joy. The one topic I wanted to avoid.

"Well, it's going pretty well, I would say. There are 10 kids in the house, 5 girls and 5 guys. I have a roommate. His name's Asia." I explain.

She makes a sound of interest. "Asia, huh? Is he cute?"

"Mom!" I nearly shriek, feeling the tops of my ears heating up.

I came out to my mom when I was 14. That was back when she was at the hospital literally six times a week with Ed. I could have told her practically anything at that time and she only would've nodded and moved on. It was a very casual talk. I knew she wouldn't care. It went something like this:

Me, age 14, bad haircut and disgusting fashion sense: "Mom, I think I'm gay."

My mom, constantly stressed, also with a bad haircut: "Really? Wow."

My clever response: "Yeah. There's just... There's a guy and I think he's kinda cute so I just sorta figured that I'm gay."

My mother, equally clever: "Well, dear, thanks for telling me. Anyways, did you pick up Ed's medication on your way home?"

Yeah.

I bring my volume down a notch. "To be perfectly honest, mom, yes, he's really, really cute. Way too cute. And I'm pretty sure he's gay. But for some reason or another he refuses to admit it and I do not pressure people out of the closet. So there's not much I can do about him at the moment. But yes. He's cute. Crazy cute. Like a puppy."

My mom squeals. Literally squeals. Like a teenage girl. "Oh, Daniel, I'm so happy for you! I hope he comes to his senses soon and realizes that you are single and ready to mingle!"

I groan. "Mom, did you really just say that?"

She laughs for a moment. "But, on a more serious note, how are you doing, Daniel? Is it getting any better?"

I freeze. We haven't talked about my depression. At all. Even after I tried to kill myself, my mom would just hush me and tell me to rest. That's all she did while I was in the hospital. I would start a conversation with something like "Mom, sometimes I just feel so--" and she'd cut me off saying "Shhh, go back to sleep Daniel. We can talk about this when you're feeling better." Except we never did talk about it when I was feeling better. It was like we were keeping a secret or something. Talking in code, dancing around the subject... Just for her to directly ask if it's "getting any better" is absurd to me. Code red.

I fumble for the right words. "Uhm... y-yeah... I think coming here was the right thing." There's a pause in the conversation. And it goes on. And on. And on. Until finally I break the silence. "Mom?" I ask quietly.

"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry honey, I have to get back to your brother. I'll tell him you said hello. And I'll be there on Saturday! Look for me!"

Without even waiting for a response, my mother hangs up, gone.

I fall back on my bed with a loud sigh. That's how most of our conversations seem to end. Ed needing something. It's pathetic how forgotten I am. I actually tried to kill myself and it barely even got me any attention. It sucks to be this ignored. It sucks ass. I feel something hot behind my eyes, but even hotter than that is my burning determination not to cry. I feel my lip quiver. No. No no no no no no no. Count to 10. Take deep breaths. It's fine. I'm calm. She's coming, right? She's coming on Saturday. There's that, at least, thank God.

There's a knock at the door. Without waiting for me to answer, Gina barges in.

"Wanna go to the arcade room with me?" She says, hair back into the knot on top of the head. "Nobody else is in there. So, in other words, you'll be attending with the real Gina."

I wipe my eyes quickly with the back of my hand, praying Gina doesn't say anything about it.

"Yeah, let's go." I say, rising to my feet. "I think I need to shoot something."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: I hate this chapter, it feels like such a filler. It's all over the place dude, I don't even know. Well hey! You met Daniel's mom! Isn't she just a sweetheart? Don't be too cruel to her, the woman has a lot on her plate. Also this chapter is really short. Sorry. Shit happens.

Vote, comment, do a little dance... thanks for reading. Seriously. You're the best. *pokes your stomach* Yeah you. You're awesome. Thanks a ton.