Cracked

Chapter 7

"Did you tell Janice?" Asia says immediately, words rushed, panic in his eyes.

"What? No!" I say in shock. I care about Asia immensely, definitely more than I should, but I'm no snitch. Telling Janice wouldn't benefit anyone.

Asia's shoulders slump and he lets out a long sigh. I didn't even realize how tense he was. "Thank you." He even graces me with a small smile.

"Asia, that doesn't mean you're off the hook. Can we talk about it?" I say quietly, trying not to frighten him. Tiny cookie dough people spook easily, like horses.

"What's there to talk about?" Asia says with a forced smile.

"Dude, seriously?" I say, cocking an eyebrow.

Asia sighs again. "I just can't, Daniel. I don't want to risk last night happening again. It used to be not eating to get thin, but now I just have a physical repulsion to eating. It's horrible. Do you ever... Do you ever do something for a reason but you do it so much it develops into a whole other reason for not doing it?"

I think about sleeping on the couch. At first it was in hopes that I wouldn't be found, but then it became... a repulsion to sleeping in that godforsaken bed. I try to push that away. "No. I don't get it, Asia, I'm sorry." I lie, feeling only a slight tinge of guilt. Lying is getting easier and it's pretty awful, to be honest.

Asia fidgets. "Well... what do you want me to do then?"

"I want you to eat something." I say in a commanding tone of voice, standing up so I'm looming over Asia.

"Why?!" He says, also standing. "Why do you care so much? You barely even know me!"

"Oh, so it's wrong to be a good person now?" I say, now just getting angry. I need to calm down or he'll never listen to me. "Sorry. I'm just worried about you, Asia."

"But... why?" Asia mutters sadly. "Nobody cares about me this much. Everyone just leaves me alone. So why can't you?" He says, looking up into my eyes. It's phrased like a rhetorical question, so I wait for him to talk again. "I'm not eating because I don't want to repeat last night. I don't want to feel disgusting anymore." He crosses his arms, apparently confident in this explanation.

"So you think weighing as much as a skeleton ISN'T disgusting?" I say angrily.

Asia shatters before me, tears welling in his eyes. He backs away. "That was a low blow, Daniel."

"Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I fucked up, Asia. I just... I just don't want what happened to me to happen to you."

Asia softens back up a bit. "And what happened to you, Daniel?"

"I was forgotten." I answer simply. "Nobody cared about me. Remember last night when I told you about my brother with cancer? That's not just a random fact about me, Asia. It's my entire life. Ever since his diagnosis I'm the forgotten sibling. It's absolutely fucking pathetic. I literally tried to kill myself and I still can't get a lick of attention from my mother. Dropping me off here is probably a huge relief for her because now she can spend every fucking day at the hospital and not have to worry about feeding me or calling me to make sure I'm still alive. I would've succeeded and died that day if she didn't leave Edward's medication on the counter on accident." I feel myself about to cry. I need to relax. It's so easy to tell Asia things. Way way way too easy. He actually looks sort of sympathetic.

I hate it. "Don't pity me." I say quietly, looking away from him. "I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I just wanted you to know. I won't let you be forgotten, Asia. So please just fucking eat something before I tell you things about me that you don't wanna know." I fall back on my bed, defeated.