good luck, babe! | b.e.

018.

TALIA

I stayed over Billie's house last night and all we did was cuddle and watch movies for the rest of the night.

She's finally understanding how I'm feeling and I'm so happy that she's being patient with me.

I really do love her, I'm just having a hard time accepting it and realizing it's okay to love her.

I still feel bad about myself, but Billie always makes me feel better about it.

She takes care of me and makes me happy and that's all that I care about.

I know it's gonna take a while to get there, but I'm growing and changing and eventually, I'll finally be able to love her without feeling bad about it.

"Hey, baby." Billie says, walking into the bedroom. "Did you sleep well?"

"Mhm." I nod sleepily as I rub my eyes.

Billie comes over and kisses my head before hugging me. She holds me in her arms for a little bit, rocking us side to side. "I love you."

"I love you too, Bil." I smile softly.

Every time I tell her I love her, it feels like my skin starts to burn.

And every time she touches me, I can't help but feel some sort of pain.

It hurts that to be doing this, but if God really loves me, he'd be happy for me, wouldn't he?

"Hey, T?" She asks. "Mhm?" I hum.

"Can I take you out tonight? It doesn't have to be a date, but I-"

"It can be a date." I say. "Are you sure?" Billie questions. "Yes." I answer. "No sex though, okay?"

"I didn't say anything about that. We don't need to have sex, Talia. We can whenever you'd like to or if you never want to, we don't have to. We can just be happy and have fun together, okay?" Billie replies.

"Okay." I nod. "All I want is time with you again. I miss you so much." She tells me. "I miss you too. I promise we can go back to being us again. I still love you, I promise. I just need some time to get used to this again." I say.

"I know, baby, take your time." She nods her head. "It's gonna take a while, but we'll get there together, okay?"

"Okay." I smile softly and hug her.

She's so understanding and I'm so glad. All I wanted was for her to understand where I'm coming from. I'm having a really hard time with my sexuality, but Billie is getting me through it.

I'm finally coming to the conclusion that I think I really am gay.

I haven't actually found a guy attractive or liked a guy, like.. ever.

I need to find the old Talia again. The one who was proud of her sexuality, the one that loved her girlfriend like no one was watching, the one who was in love.

I wanna be her again.

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