TROUBLE | JJ Maybank

010. Shattered Trust

THE DRIVE HOME felt endless. Even though Amelia's hands gripped the wheel with a white-knuckled determination, the road blurred beneath her. Her chest was tight, her heart heavy with the words John B had thrown at her—words she couldn't shake, no matter how fast she drove, no matter how hard she tried to push them down.

Selfish. Conceited. Arrogant.

Each word reverberated in her mind like an echo, a haunting reminder of everything she feared about herself. But was it true? Was she that person?

A sharp breath caught in her throat as she gripped the wheel tighter, the sound of JJ's voice still ringing in her ears, his concern for her like a lifeline she wasn't sure how to grab.

She pulled into the familiar driveway of her house, the headlights illuminating the front door, but she couldn't bring herself to go inside. Instead, she parked and sat there, fighting the urge to cry.

WHEN AMELIA GATHERED the courage to enter the family home, she ran and didn't bother to greet anyone as she bolted toward her room. Her eyes were full of tears that threatened to pour out at any moment. She slammed her room door before taking a seat at her window seal. As she looked out her window, her eyes filled with the familiar view of the ocean, followed by the familiar scent of the salty sea. She couldn't understand why John B had thought she was responsible for him losing his job. She thought she proved she could be trusted. She began to wonder if he ever trusted her at all or if it was all an act. Maybe her dad was right.

As she began to analyse every interaction with the Pogues, the sound of her bedroom door opening broke her thoughts.

"Hey, A..." Sarah greeted cautiously, slowly walking towards Amelia as a small smile formed on her lips "You okay?"

"I hate John B," Amelia said quietly. She anchored her head up in a feeble attempt to stop her tears from falling. She felt stupid for crying, and she hated that someone was seeing her cry over something she felt like everybody else would just move on from.

"What did he do?" Sarah's tone was firm but kind. She wanted to know what he did to her little sister.

"He.." Amelia started, taking a breath to compose herself "He thinks I got him fired. He thinks I told Dad he stole scuba gear," Amelia revealed, still in disbelief that John B thought she'd betray him like that.

Sarah looked at her sister with soft eyes. Her heart broke for her sister. She could only imagine all the insults she was telling herself. Amelia was hard on herself that way. Without a second thought, she rushed to her sister's side, embracing her in the hug she knew she needed.

"I. I thought I proved that they could trust me. God, I feel so stupid," Amelia said, her cries muffled in her sister's shirt.

And maybe she was stupid. But it felt real to her, and at that moment, all Sarah could do was hold her. As tight as she needed, for as long as she needed

"I know," she said quietly. "But it's not your fault, Mil, and you're not stupid"

Amelia didn't respond at first, too consumed by her swirling thoughts. But Sarah's embrace felt like the only thing solid in the world right now, the only thing that wasn't telling her she was wrong.

Why does John B. think I'd do that? Amelia thought. She had always tried to be better, to show them all she wasn't her father or any other Kook they knew, that she could be trusted. But now John B. was calling her everything she feared she was, and it was like her whole world was crumbling around her.

What if he's right? What if I am just another Kook, just like he said?

"Why does it feel like I'm always the one who messes things up?" Amelia's voice cracked, the words escaping before she could stop them. She didn't know if she was talking about John B., her father, or herself. Maybe all three.