Eight days. It's been eight days since we started living in the old Survey Corps headquarters, and three days since a new realization dawned on me-one that has since haunted every moment of my thoughts. I have feelings for eren. Feelings that I know I could never reveal to him.
Lying on my back, I feel the gentle weight of Eren's arm draped over my stomach, a comforting and familiar presence. He fell asleep an hour ago, yet here I am, wide awake, staring at the ceiling with his steady breathing resonating softly in the quiet cellar. Turning my head, I look at him, his face peaceful in sleep, and my heart aches a bit more. Nothing has outwardly changed between us; we are still as close as ever, inseparable as we've been since our days as reckless, wide-eyed children. But now, with this burgeoning realization of my feelings, there's a silent torment that accompanies our closeness.
Every laugh we share, every glance he gives me, every time our hands brush against each other-each moment is tinged with an unspoken truth that I carry alone. It's a secret that adds weight to the simplest of interactions, turning them into moments of bittersweet turmoil that I wrestle with in the silence of my mind. Yet, despite the pain of harboring these hidden feelings, being this close to him-feeling the warmth of his body, hearing the rhythm of his breath-it brings a profound sense of comfort that I've always cherished. This closeness, painful and yet so dear, is a paradox I live with now, a tender torture wrapped in every shared silence, every innocent touch.
As I lie here, caught in a silent reverie, I wonder about the contours of these feelings. They're like shadows that have always been, lurking quietly behind each of our shared smiles and lingering gazes. But acknowledging them now-it's like giving them color, form, making them too real and far too painful. How do I continue like this, knowing each day I fall a little harder, a little deeper, and might never be able to climb out of this affectionate abyss? Despite it all, the very thing that torments me also soothes me; the closeness we share, though shadowed by my unconfessed feelings, remains the most cherished part of my life.
lost in my thoughts, the silence of the cellar is suddenly pierced by the soft but distinct sound of footsteps descending the stairs. I recognize them almost immediately-light, precise, unmistakably levi's. He appears at the foot of the stairs, his expression unreadable in the dim light. Without a word, he gestures with his arm, signaling for me to follow him back up.
Carefully, so as not to disturb Eren, I ease his arm off my stomach and slip out from under the blanket. I cast a lingering look at him, peaceful and unaware, before quietly walking after levi. The cool air of the corridor brushes against my face as I ascend the stairs.
