Her thoughts.

Prologue.

When i was a kid, I experienced playing with my neighbor's daughter, and being able to play with her.

We played and played, enjoying a little of my childhood. But how can i know that my childhood was the best? Why was my mom saying i was lucky? Then why am i feeling so much pain? Why?

....

My mom and dad fought so much. I can see them. shouting,yelling, and almost killing each other. I can see myself being pulled out of the Street, she was rushing to get a ride and to leave the hell where it started.'

I saw my mom crying, i can remember her tears, Other people on the ride were staring at us. I was staring blankly. I was a kid. i was only a child. Now, here i am.

My dad was a short tempered person. My dad's hands are used for violence. Is it because his dad beat him? Did it put a trauma on him? Why? Why make his own daughter experience violence? Why? Just why..

My mom left me with my dad. I went to the bathroom. i was shocked. My dad was knocking. Like he was mad. I was scared. I was really scared.

'What did i do..what happened? what made him mad? what..is going on?'

My mind was rushing. I felt so scared but he was telling me to open it. When i opened it. I was welcomed with a mad face. That's it. he abused me.

It's fun how he uses violence just for a single detergent being wasted. It's funny how he got mad and ruined my childhood just for that. I was a child. Of course I was Scared. Really scared.

Time has passed, Everything keeps moving on. everything is still the same. Hasn't he changed at all? maybe not. I've always wanted him to change,and be like a dad that i could feel comfortable with. But maybe it's too late. I already built walls between my parents.

And now, she tried using it online as a resource of her own desire to be loved. Every dead soul she met, Was a character development. which made her confused to her own personality. Who is she? Why can't she recognize herself?

'Who am I?'

She asks herself. Again and again. She doesn't know who she is. She doesn't know.. What she was..made for..

Guys come to her, and leave. She met one, it ended. It found her, Then left. Guys come to her,then leave. She met one, it ended. She met one, it ended. Guys come to her, and leave. She received hope, then gone. She received love, then it was gone. She experiences love, it's gone. She received attention, and gone again.

How long will this keep going? How long will you repeat this same situation? how long will you make her feel so worst? how long? She just wanted to feel special and be loved.. It was making her lost. It was making her numb on everything that's happening. She'd already built those walls around her. safe and sound. No one would be able to break it.

Anyone that comes to her life, gets hurt only. The weak can't handle her. A love can't affect her anymore. She was numb already. She had closed her heart from everything.