I Don't Belong To You

Chapter 22

Italics are flashbacks to moments immediately following Thanksgiving dinner.

There were stages to missing Freen.

Regret.

That was stage one and it lasted longest.

She regretted losing her the moment she walked out, but even more the morning after. After the initial need to blame anyone but herself passed...she realized she had no one to blame but herself.

And Irin had been quick to remind her of that.

She can't breathe. There isn't enough air in her lungs. Or the whole atmosphere really.

She cried herself to sleep last night and had dreamt of her.

To wake up without her now feels like death. It's harder now to see why she thought this was a good idea.

As she replays it all in her head, she has no idea who she was last night. The things she said were beyond cruel. The last thing she ever wants to do is hurt Freen. And yet...

She sighs and sits up from the couch.

There was no way she was going to sleep in that bed. She'll probably have to burn it honestly.

She briefly considers lighting it on fire while lying in it because really...what's the point anymore?

Her phone lighting up pulls her from her dangerous mind and she looks over to see that it's 12:03pm and Irin has called at least 10 times.

Fuuuuck, that means she probably knows.

She can't face Irin right now. She can barely fucking face herself.

But like any good friend, Irin is persistent and knocks loudly immediately after the ringing stops.

" Becky, don't even try to pretend you're not in there."

If she had a heart, it would sink.

The fury in the fiery brunette's voice is evident even through the thick door.

She sighs again. This isn't going away anytime soon. She's fucked up and the least she can do is face that head on. Maybe if she wears a brave face, acts like she doesn't care, everyone will move on from this quickly.

She stands as the knocking continues and pulls it open just as Irin's hand was poised to knock again.

Irin's anger reignites as she takes in her red eyes and wrinkled suit that she slept in.

" What. Were. You. Thinking."

She turns away, unable to face her, but Irin roughly grasps her chin and forces them to make eye contact.

" No, answer me Becky!"

" I don't know," she lets out sadly.

" Not good enough, Becky." Her tone bites, cuts and claws at her. She's never seen her so upset.

After a moment of silence, she's pushed through the doorway as Irin walks in and shuts the door.

" Becky! What were you thinking? How could you do this?! You were happy with her. I just saw you last night and things were fine. What happened?!"

She shakes her head, thinking about how awful she was at the table.

" I-I really...," she pauses, "I just...got scared, Irin."