I Don't Belong To You

Chapter 26

"Holy shit!"

"Right?!"

"That's your kid?!"

"That's my fucking kid, Irin!"

She says it with still so much disbelief. Even after seeing it, it's still crazy to think about.

And boy has she been thinking about it.

It's the only thing she's thought about for the last two days.

She's read every brochure that Dr. Wilkins gave her and instead of finding herself bored like she usually is with reading, she's hungry for more knowledge. She hasn't felt this way since she first started high school after moving in with Ingrid.

For the first time in so long, she's desperate to learn more, to absorb everything she can about pregnancy and babies.

"Look at this thing, it's adorable!"

"Seriously, I can't stop looking at it," she leans back on the couch, beaming proudly. "It's the size of a bell pepper right now!"

"Shit, that's so tiny."

"Right? And she's like barely showing, she looks great. She's got like a tiny little lump that kinda just looks like a food baby right now."

"And it went okay? Like she was cordial?"

She nods immediately, thinking back to their appointment. "More than cordial. She was perfect, as always. She...," she wonders if she's allowed to share her next comment. She's not sure if that was a between them moment only.

"She what?"

"Well, I...she held my hand."

That seems to get Irin's attention. "She did?"

"Yeah but...I don't think it was a romantic thing. I think she just...I think the moment just kinda felt right."

"Don't sound so disappointed," she jokes and elbows her in the ribs gently.

She laughs a little too but really can't help but be disappointed.

"I...I know I have no reason to be sad. I fucked up and I ended things so it's like...I only have me to blame for the way things are now but fuck. I just...I wish I could go back in time and do it all over again."

The silence around them is comfortable and stifling all at once.

"You know, that night after dinner, I tried to apologize and...she told me that saying 'sorry' means you won't do something again. If that's true, I've never been more sorry in my entire life. If I could go back in time, I would do it all differently. If I'd known she was carrying my baby..I...," a tear slips down her cheek and Irin, always knowing just what she needs, just throws her arm around the back of the couch.

"Look Bec, you made a mistake. You know you did and you're trying to fix it. And it's going to take time, but you're going to be on time for appointments moving forward and you're seeing Dr. Hopper again and that's all a start. Just don't rush her. Just take it all one step at a time okay?"

She nods. "Yeah, one step at a time.."

She takes Irin's words to heart. One step at a time, she reminds herself constantly.

It's going to take time she reminds herself.

But that doesn't stop her from wanting to text Freen. Or talk to her. Or just be near her.

But the biggest issue is that there's no reason to. She can't just go over or invite her over without a valid baby reason.

Their last appointment was two weeks ago and they don't have another one for two more and so...that's what leads her here.