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Todays the day of my mother's funeral.
It's been 2 weeks since I've seen my family, I haven't bothered to speak to any of them after what happened. It's just been me and Kai, and it's been so hard.
I have to grieve the death of my mother while also taking care of a newborn, and it's just been stressful. I'm a first time mom dealing with the fact that my mom is not here to help. I haven't even left the house yet, anything I need I just order it to the house.
Everyone calls me at least twice a day but I don't answer. They still do little gesture like sending me money, groceries, or stuff for the baby. I send a thank you message but that's about it. Dave has been blowing up my phone the most, he apologizes everyday and he's always asking about Kai. I simply ignore his messages. I know it's wrong to keep him from his child, but I just need time away from everyone.
I looked in the mirror to make sure everything look okay, and I just frowned at myself. This is what it's come to huh. I walked down the hall and into Kai's room to get her dressed. Nobody was able to watch her because we weren't on speaking terms so I decided to take her with me. I know she won't understand it but she should know that her grammy loved her very much.
"Hi my pretty baby." I picked her up as she smiled at me showing me her gums. I love this child with everything in me but every time I see her she looks just Dave. It hurts me that he lied to me for so long and I don't think I could ever forgive him.
I quickly put a fresh diaper on her and put on a mini black dress that I bought her. "Let's go Kai." I picked her up and went downstairs to grab everything I needed. I walked outside with my purse in one hand and Kai in the other. I made sure the door was locked before I walked to the car and strapped her in her car seat.
Can't believe that the first time I leave the house it's to bury my mother. "It's going to be a long day for mommy, but just know that I love you baby." I whispered to her before kissing her chubby cheek. I closed the door before walking to my side and getting in.
About 20 minutes later I arrived at the church that was slightly packed with close friends and family. Nothing has started yet so I did see a few people outside talking while everyone else just walked in to get a good seat. I got out of the car and grabbed Kai before walking towards the entrance.
As soon as I walked through the door all eyes were on me. I didn't bother speaking to anyone I just walked to the front and sat down on the empty bench. I looked around and my eyes instantly met his. He looked so different, his eyes were so dark and baggy it was like he hadn't slept in days.
We held contact for a while before I felt a hand on my shoulder making me turn away from him. I looked up to see my brother standing over me. "Hey." "Hey." I gave him a small smile as he sat down next to me. "Haven't seen you in a while." "I don't want to hear it right now Isaac." He scoffed giving a irritated look.
"I know your pissed at everyone for knowing but I had nothing to do with that shit and you shut me out too." I looked at the tears fall from his eyes as he expressed himself. "I lost my mother too, not just you! me and dad are grieving too but your so blinded by the bullshit going on that you haven't bothered to ask if were okay, I needed you, I'm been struggling so hard with all of this and you weren't there, you weren't there at all." He finally broke down making my heart shatter.
It never dawned on me that he was going through the same thing I was going through. I shut everyone out because I was made but I didn't bother to think about how her death affected everyone. Especially Isaac, he's my baby brother, he's 17 years old dealing with the loss of his mother and I wasn't there for him.
"I'm so sorry." I pulled him into a tight hug as we both cried in each others arms. We would've stayed like this the whole time but Kairi started whining so we let go. "Meet your Uncle Isaac, Kai Kai." I placed her in his arms and he looked at her in awe. "Damn she got his whole face." He mumbled making me chuckle.
"Please talk to him." I just shook my head, not wanting to hear another lecture from my baby brother. For someone who's younger he sure is mature for his age. "I don't think I'm ready." "No one will ever be ready for a talk like that but he's really been struggling, he doesn't sleep, he barely eats, and I know you're going through the same shit."
He was right. The situation with Dave was hitting me pretty hard, I can barely sleep at night because I was so used to falling asleep in his arms. I always felt protected by him, but finding out that the person protecting me was also the person lying to me just made me not think of him the same way.
Soon enough the paster walked in and the ceremony started. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the beautiful life of Denise Daniels."
—
The service is completely over now and I'm just standing in the dirt watching her casket lower into the ground. Everyone paid their last respects and walked to the cars. Isaac took Kai with him to give me some alone time which I really appreciate.
"What am I gonna do without you." I whispered to myself as I wiped my tears. "You got me mama, you got all of us." I slightly jumped at the sound of his voice since I didn't notice him behind me. Hearing his voice again made butterflies erupt throughout my whole body, but it also brought a lot of anger inside of it as well.
I turned to him and immediately took in his appearance. He had on an all black suit with Prada sunglasses, and a Rolex. I looked up at his face to see that his eyes were very red. Either he's high right now, or he's been crying or maybe both.
"Hello David." He scrunched his face up immediately after I said it. "How long are we going to be like this." "I'm not the reason we're like this David." I crossed my arms over my chest glaring up at him.
"I'm so sorry mama, I know that there are no words or ways to make up for what I did and I am sorry but you can't keep my daughter from me." He took a step towards me and I instantly backed up. "I can't do this right now."
I turned around to walk away but he grabbed my arm pulling me towards him. "India please, let me see her." I looked up at his pleading eyes and I couldn't help but go soft.
"She's with Issac right now, I'll see about dropping her later on tonight or tomorrow." "Thank you mama, I appreciate you." He rubbed his hands against my waste slightly gripping it. "Goodbye David." I said before pushing his hands off and walking away.
HEYYYY YALLLLL I know it's been a good minute and I'm sorry I haven't been updating but finals coming up next week so after that I'm free and I got yall. Next chapter will be longer
