Shattered Perfection

Forty One

The next morning Siobhan woke feeling pretty good all things considering. Vivian brought her breakfast in bed.

'Here you go Bon Bon,' she said, placing the tray on her lap. They sat together eating the hot cross buns Vivian had toasted. When they had finished, Siobhan sat back and looked at Viv.

'I'm sorry for the trouble I caused yesterday,' She said quietly.

'Please, please don't apologise my love,' Vivian begged clasping Siobhan's hands in her own. 'You did not choose to do that, it's a consequence of what you have endured.'

'I don't really remember what happened. It's like I was watching from the outside of myself. But only in flashes.' Siobhan said softly. Vivian nodded. She had done some research on PTSD last night while Siobhan slept. She told her what the doctor in the emergency department had said.

'I spoke with your therapist last night,' Vivian said, 'she wants to see you today, if you're feeling up to it?' Siobhan thought for a while.

'Talking about what happened is so hard, it makes me feel bruised again.' She admitted quietly looking down at their clasped hands. Viv placed a finger under her chin to lift her gaze.

'I'd be surprised if it didn't.' Vivian said. 'but the therapist is certain you are making progress.'

'Progress?' Siobhan gave a hollow laugh, 'this doesn't feel like progress.'

'No, I suspect it doesn't but you are so much better than you were. You're eating and sleeping better. You don't look as pale or ill as you did. You're less fragile.' Vivian said firmly.

'I can't see past the court date.' Siobhan admitted. 'It's like the sword of Damocles hanging over my head, everything beyond it is black.' Vivian moved the tray and cuddled up to her putting her arms around the blonde.

'I can understand that.' Vivian responded. She thought for a moment. 'Why don't we book a trip away for after the court date? It can be just the two of us or Jamie too, let's go somewhere quiet and spend some time together. What do you think?' Siobhan sat there and thought for a moment. A small smile graced her lips.

'I think that's a really good idea. How about an air BNB on the coast, somewhere windswept and stormy.' She said.

'With a log fire, we could snuggle in front of.' Vivian continued. Siobhan leaned over and kissed her long and hard.

'That sounds amazing.' She said.

Siobhan spent the rest of the morning resting. Vivian had taken the day off to care for her and Jamie was at nursery after having had a wonderful time with Winter and Autumn. Siobhan missed him. After a light lunch, they headed off to the therapist. Siobhan was apprehensive, she didn't want another episode. Vivian waited for her in the waiting room, reading a year-old Vogue magazine. Siobhan spoke to the therapist about what she could remember. Her therapist recommended speaking to a psychotherapist as well as herself in combination with some anti-depressants. Siobhan was resistant to taking the medication but the therapist said, 'if you were low in iron you would take iron tablets right?' Siobhan nodded. 'So, if you are low in serotonin, you'd take a supplement?' Siobhan thought about this logically. Finally, the therapist said, 'Siobhan, it's not forever, a short course to support you through this initial period of recovery would help.' Siobhan nodded.

'Ok,' she replied softly. She came out into the waiting room, Vivian stood up.

'You ok Bon Bon?' she asked.

'I will be.' Siobhan replied.

With the treatment and support from Vivian and her friends in the nursery Siobhan continued to improve. There was the occasional hiccups but she was learning her triggers and ways to manage her reactions to them. Vivian had booked a cottage on the Cornish coast for a month after the court case. There was a path down to the sandy shore with high cliffs and jagged rocks. It had a log fire and even a hot tub. They had planned to take Jamie and were looking forward to spending time as a family.