Her First Love

Chapter 8- Part A- Moving on.. or at least trying to

Aliza couldn't deal with the thought of never seeing Chapman ever again after school finishes. But she knew it had to be done in order to move on. Although she made sure that in these last few weeks, she spent as much time with him as possible and got to say goodbye.

Exams were here and everyone was stressing out. Yr 11 had study leave, which ment that we'd only be in for the exams and also we could come for revision classes. Except for that we should be at home continuing with revision. Being in the exam hall, it felt like doing the mocks again, I expected it to have a harsher atmosphere. But some people were still able to cheat.

Me and Aliza would go to school a couple of hours before the exam to revise. Oh and also so that Aliza can see and maybe even speak to Chapman. Eventhough she denied it, I knew the truth. I mean it's funny how out of all the benches in the school, Aliza always picked the one closest to the p.e office to revise on. But to be fair she did actually revise hard even on those benches.

Aliza got Chapman a leaving present. She brought his favourite chocolates and a card saying goodbye and for him to have a good life. She also got him a key ring that had a message on it. It said: 'Thank you for some of the best memories at school. Lots of love and wishes Aliza'. She gave the present to him at lunch and in exchange guess what he did.. Unbelievable, he took his phone out of his pocket and went to his gallery and started showing her pictures from his engagement. She loved that, she did.. Sarcasm by the way. But she smiled and nodded along with him.

The pain still hurt like crazy and I continued to tell her to confess her feelings to Chapman to find some closure. She finally agreed to tell him. She couldn't do it face to face, so she decided to put it in a letter and give it to him.

In the letter it said:
'Dear Adam,
You have become one of the most happiest moments in my life. I learnt to be happy, caring, ( less judgey) and most of all I learnt to live. I started caring about others around me. I learnt about feelings I never knew of. I learnt to love. I knew I was never ever going to get anything back out of this. I tried to stop. But there was something in you that I couldn't avoid. You became one of my closest friends; I was able to confide in you, and be myself. Trampolining, the gym room, the rowing room, (all of those silly moments) were the best times of my life. I will never forget them. When you told me that you were getting married, I was heartbroken! Shocked! But I knew this was going to happen anyway. But I am happy for you and Holly. I wish you guys the best of luck and will always keep you in my prayers. I will move on, find someone who will keep me happy. I will always wonder though how it might have been if we were together. I just wanted a simple goodbye from you, I don't know if I'll ever get it though. I know you know, but you seem to avoid it. Just tell me you know. I'm not expecting any feelings back, just that you know. But I've stopped expecting anything now because I know I'll only get my heartbroken. I just wanted you to know that I will love you always and forever.
Lots of love and wishes
Aliza

In the end she didn't give him the letter. She didn't want him to know.

Exams were finally over and holidays started early for us. A week had only gone by and Aliza missed him dearly. What usually got her through the holidays were the thought that she'd see him after it. But at the end of this holiday, she knew she wouldn't because she'd be in another school and so would he. The only time during the holiday she would get to see him was on results day and she wasn't looking forward to that because she knew that it would be the last time ever that she sees him. She needed to say goodbye though. He wanted to stay in touch. He had her email and she had his. But she knew she just couldn't.

A month later.

It was results day and Aliza had picked me up at 10:00 am. We finally had got to school and surprisingly everyone was already there, anxiously waiting. These results could either make us or break us. We all hoped and prayed that our results would be good at least. Finally we got the results, they were sealed in a white envelope with only our names written on it. No one wanting to reveal it right there but rather in their own homes privately.

After saying goodbye to all our friends, we were just about to head off, but Aliza realised she still had one more important but dreaded goodbye to say, to Chapman. She spotted him across the hall noticing that his eyes were already fixed on her, he had a sad smile painted on his face. Slowly, she started making her way towards him. I thought it was best if I leave them two to have their moment. So I stayed with Tammy.