SIMPHIWE: HER LAST

Chapter 2

KGOMOTSO

10 APRIL

One last vomit and I'm out of here.
Yoh!
I thought morning sickness only happens in the first trimester, but mine has been happening throughout the entire seven months of my pregnancy.
Yerr! It's one thing I hate about this pregnancy of mine. I just want to give birth to this child so we can get this whole morning sickness thing over with.

I return to bed, enjoying this hour of silence before 5AM strikes and it's a whole ruckus in this house.
So much has happened after Felicia and the Kunupi parents' death. Apparently Felicia stated that I should be one who took care of her children should she die, which confused me a bit, because I thought Kaone would be the one to take care of them.
After we buried Lesego, Rele and Lebone and her younger sister came to stay with me as well.

Oh, these past three months were different. Like, totally different.
His death still haunts me and what makes it worse is that I can feel that he's not here.
The first week after I buried him, I waited for him to enter my room at 09:30 like he always does, to wish me a good morning and raiding my room as he always does. I waited for him to enter my bed like he used to do, when he'd play with me and tease me and we'd laugh together. I waited for that every morning until I realised that he's gone.
I've missed him. I've missed the way he'd caress me, us sitting in silence, enjoying each other's presence. I miss the way he'd say the most random things out of nowhere. Just the side of him that I loved the most. And now I won't have that anymore. It's like the wound is still fresh.

It's like it was just yesterday when I received that phone call from Martin telling me that he had killed himself. I was shattered and broken in that same spot. I felt like it was my fault. I blamed myself each day and heck, I still do. Maybe if I had not forced the truth out of him that night of our wedding. His parents and Felicia had just died and I was there, selfishly wanting to know why it happened and who they were all along. He lost it and he smashed my face into the wall three times, he dragged me and kicked my back and the next thing, I wake up in hospital.
Oh gosh! That memory... it triggers everything!

My therapist said I should take it easy, especially since I'm due in two months. Well, my therapist is Mantwa. She's finally a clinical psychologist. I should have known this was her niche from the very beginning of our friendship just by the way she was always our 'mother' giving out the wisest advice.

My baby is moving. At least it's good to know that it's awake. I didn't see my gynae last months so I should probably see her next week, somewhere before my birthday.

I can't believe I'm turning 26 like this. I never imagined 26 being like this.
Sigh.
Just... sigh.

I look up to the ceiling as I rub my belly and wonder why would God do this. Yes, sure, I haven't been spending time with Him like I used to before I met Lesego, but I can't be punished like this.
Like this? Pregnant and mourning? How????
I take one last sigh...

__________

After forcing myself out of bed, I freshened up and wore my mourning clothes. I don't know how long I have to be wearing this, but I'm tired of it. I literally told them that Lesego wouldn't want me to mourn for him and they thought I was speaking nonsense.

I find my way downstairs to the kitchen where I find Rele making a smoothie like he usually does in the mornings. He hasn't been the same. Yes, him and I hardly talked before, but these past three months it really seems like death brought us together and forced us to connect.
That's how I noticed that he hasn't really been himself.
But who could blame him? Especially after losing a woman who played a big role and became your mother when your own mother failed and losing your brother too?