SIMPHIWE: HER LAST

Chapter 1

KGOMOTSO

05 JANUARY 2018

Normal 25-year-olds are out there celebrating the new year while figuring the rest of their lives out.
Some are in committed relationships, others are party animals, others have just gotten married while others are living successful lives, all at 25.
Me? I'm here seated on this mattress with a leteitsi blanket covering my shoulders, a doek on my head and wearing mourning clothes on the first week of January with a stomach getting fatter because of a human that's living inside of me.

Beside me are Felicia's mother, Lillian and my mother. I don't know who the rest of these older women are, but I know for sure that they're not related to the Kunupis.

"Kgomotso, o ya kae?" My mother asks just as I stand up.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of sitting here and mourning for a man who said I shouldn't be mourning for him. I want to breathe. I'm tired of sitting here and crying for him. He beat me up four times for crying out loud!

"Makoti, you can't be walking around here. You should sit and mourn for your husband," an older woman whom I don't know says.

Screw that! My husband said I shouldn't mourn for him and I'll do just that!

I gently push her aside and go to the other bedroom; the one where no one is in because his corpse is supposed to be here tonight and I'm expected to sleep here.

I change my dress and take off this blanket, wearing a stretchy black dress and keeping the doek on.

I hurry down to the living room and grab the keys by the TV stand.

Mama: "Kgomotso!"

No! Not today.
I just walk on and pretend not to hear her. Ka siZulu ba re "ngeke ngizwe ngawe". I'm not doing that makoti thing today.

Kgomotso: "Tiyane!" I call when I walk past the other women cooking.

I call her three more times until I see her running towards me.

Kgomotso: "Let's go."

Tiyane: "Where are we going, Ma?"

I don't have time to explain to a turning 8-year-old that we're going shopping.

I'm going with the Lamborghini Urus. The one with his name written on the number plate.
I start the car and reverse out the yard.

__________

"Ma, why are we in Mall of Africa?"

I'm here because I want to clear my mind and take my mind away from the fact that tomorrow I'm burying someone who hurt me, yet knew how to love me like it's his last day.

We walk from shop to shop.
Maybe I can find myself a nice dress to wear tomorrow.
I'm wearing glasses because, well, we're all famous because of my wedding - my horrid wedding.

I finally found a nice shop. Zani's Boutique.

I look; stall for stall, looking for a nice black dress and fascinator hats for tomorrow.
I found a nice dress after about 15 minutes of looking.
I stop when I realise Tiyane isn't beside me.

Kgomotso: "Tiyane! Tiyane!"

Oh my gosh, I've just lost Felicia's child!

I quickly grab the dress and hat and walk around looking for her.
I find her at the till counter, playing with a toddler who's being carried by a man.

Kgomotso: "Tiyane!" I hiss once I get closer to her and grabbing her arm.

Tiyane: "Ma, I just wanted to play with this cute baby."