in the deep sky's Abyss

_13_

where does it end?
A/N: this one is long 

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The pain was overwhelming Alex's senses and thoughts. He was reliving all his lifes worst moments. He was seemingly alone in the cold and dark steel room, alone in the whole universe he once wanted to explore. It all felt like it was crushing him.

A sliver of silver light was traced on the floor of the medical room, when the nearby star was reveiled from behind the newly scarred planet. That planet had lost Alex everything, he despised it even though it had been over a month since it took everything from him.

It was the middle of the 'night' and Alex was hugry. He didn't want to eat though since it made him feel guilty. ' I'm a waste of life anyways, why would I deserve to eat? I'll never be anything and should just end myself ' he thought to himself in the quiet room.

He stared at his scarred wrists and felt a weird sensation of needing to cut more. He reached under the hard matress, carefully pulling out a small surgical knife. He slowly set the edge of the blade on his skin, pulling it across slowly. It left a red line of blood behind from where it cut into the boys flesh.

The cutting felt so good, it distracted him from reality with it's euphoric feeling of satisfaction. He wanted to just slice deep wih the whole length of the blade, he had to resist the need because it would mean the end. The doctor cared for him and the cutting felt good, no sense in wasting that feeling and making another person suffer.

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Alex had been working in the medical wing for a while, under strict supervion of the young doctor. He had mostly been fetching medical equipment, he understandably wasn't very trusted. Having been rereived from an unmarked pirate ship does that.

The medbay had a signature scent of disinfection alcohol, which Alex quite liked since it reminded him of his mother. He had forgotten almost everything about her, even her face, but he remembered that she had been a nurse and the scent of that disinfecting alcohol reminded Alex of her.

The infirmary had a slow day, they were locking down the equipment in preparation for an YVN jump. Alex was playing stich with the doctor using a worn deck of cards he had bought from an astro-marine. Everything was peaceful, he liked the peace even if he still wished for a kick of action in his life.

Alex had asked around, which had left him with some useful knowledge. The super dreadnought he was on was called The Chimaera, and it was a prized posession for the imperium, unlike it's crew and the soldiers it housed. The Chimaera had been comissioned 57 galactic standard years ago, which meant it was basically brand new. It's newest deployment had been top secret, not disclosed to even the inquisitionary guard or the senate, only the command staff knew the purpose of their journey.

"Alex, will ya do me a favor and get tritium from the storage room?" The doctor asked softly and carefully.

Alex swooped up the cards on the table into their box and stood up silently, he didn't speak because it was still difficult. He left the door an quickly walked down a hallway to the right, down the stairs, left, straight forward, 2 right turns, there. As he approached, he heard some people talking.

"Problem nie polega na tym, że śpisz, ale na tym, że nie chcesz się obudzić" the first man said "świt przyniesie nam nowe światło" [the problem isn't that you sleep, but that you refuse to wake up][the dawn will bring us new light]

"a świt przyniesie nam także chaos, jesteś zbyt ograniczony umysłowo, nieślubne dziecko" a second voice answered one of an old man. [and dawn will also bring us chaos, you're too narrow minded, you illegimate child]

"Pieprzyć cię!" the first speaker yelled. [fuck you]

"Ja, w przeciwieństwie do ciebie, nie jestem ekstremistą. Czy rozczarowujesz mnie, zabijając kogoś z takiego powodu?" the older man spat at the young man who was leaving fast. [I, unlike you, am not an extremist. Are you disappointing me by killing someone for such a reasons?]

Alex quickly dug his card deck from his pocket and dropped it onto the floor, cursing loudly. He was bent down on the floor picking up the cards as a dark haired navy engineer walked past him, still muttering something in a language Alex couldn't understand.

There was an older man who followed shortly after, after who Alex finally stepped into the storage room, walking to a terminal he barely knew how to use. He punched in the digits "T/³H" and the number "346/2/8" lit up on the screen.

He walked to the 34:th row of the 8:th section of the 2:nd floor, picked up the box with the marking "T/³H" and started his journey back to the doctor. On the way he sat on top of the box to look out of the window at a newly dead world getting scortched by a star the planet would have called sun.

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after getting back to the doctor and handing him the case of tritium Alex sat into a bed and just looked at the doctor, giving his access permit card back as the man barely older than him sat beside him.

"what's wrong?" the doctor asked.

"everything is gone, I was useless, I could't help them..." Alex's words faded into crying as he collapsed into the doctors arms. 

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A/N: was this good, what do yall want from the story? tell me please, i need advice :(

anyways, remember to drink water, eat food, sleep well. tell people you love that you do, you never know when it's too late.