A bend in space-time (Season 3) - The Umbrella Academy

Chapter 15: All That Jazz

Chronological markers: this scene fits in as a deleted scene from The Umbrella Academy, season 3, between episodes 5 and 6, during the evening.

Suggested soundtrack: Chicago Ensemble (1997) - All that jazz ; Parov Stelar - Booty Swing. TW: alcohol consumption.

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April 4 2019, 11h11 pm

Klaus and I have had plenty of lame excuses for being late here and there. Most often at work - for me, anyway - even if Rodrigo is pretty lenient when I'm not opening the hardware store. For Klaus, at his appointments with Dr. Milligan for his post-rehab follow-ups, though most of the time, he didn't even show up. But what are our reasons tonight for being late meeting Christopher in front of the Celestial Theatre, with the show of Chicago already ten minutes underway?

Klaus claimed he spent way too much time in front of the mirror and then in the shower, but he didn't mention that it was because he was watching himself heal unnaturally fast after being pierced by a speargun. I said I'd been held up at work and then went to buy antispasmodics, when in fact, I spent several hours trapped in a space-time anomaly. In a corridor that possibly leads to the control room of the universe. Minor details.

And tonight isn't about burdening Christopher with that.

Tonight, I promised him he would meet Granny. The grandmother who is more his than mine in this version of 2019 and who followed him here to America with his mother. My mother. Our mother? Through an act of desperate love. It twists my heart to discover, day by day, how far this woman would have went for me, even though I only ever showed her ingratitude until her death. But tonight, what I am about to do is also, in a way, in her memory.

Chris, of course, is furious about our lateness, crackling and sparking angrily, making the few fans asking for autographs under the neon lights above the big doors scatter. Yes, people do often ask for his autograph, and yes, he can sign them: by burning the paper very finely with energy. Just imagine what he could do to your skin.

He wasn't surprised to see Klaus with me: he just pointedly ignored him after calling him a 'lowcoast Ouija board' directly into his mind. To be fair, Klaus is as unstable as a three-legged chair tonight. But as a result, he couldn't care less about insults. And at this moment, he's far too enchanted by the soft jazzy notes drifting through the closed theater doors and, in general, by the place we find ourselves in.

The Celestial Theatre is a retro gem of the music hall, glowing tonight like a constellation in the urban apocalypse. While its Art Deco facade might seem imposing at first glance, it's actually made of smoky glass and entwined golden details. The carpets and seats are the deepest red velvet, and its programming objectively rivals Broadway's.

'Come on babe, why don't we paint the town?
And all that jazz
I'm gonna rouge my knees and roll my stockings down
And all that jazz
Start the car, I know a whoopee spot
Where the gin is cold but the piano's hot
It's just a noisy hall, where there's a nightly brawl
And all that jazz'

Apologizing profusely in the dim, glittering half-light, we slip into the room where some two thousand souls are already clapping for Roxie Hart and Velma Kelly to the iconic swing of 'All That Jazz'. The staff have been informed of our arrival, and Granny has clearly arranged everything: she reserved a small private table for me tonight, surrounded by deep Chesterfields, where we are served champagne without even ordering.

'No, I'm no one's wife
But oh, I love my life
And all that jazz
That jazz'

I gaze up at the spotlit, shadow-crossed high vaulted ceilings, bathed in enthusiastic murmurs and bursts of laughter from the audience, as the songs unfold one after the other: 'Funny Honey', 'Cell Block Tango'. 'A Little Bit of Good' et 'I Can't Do It Alone'.