A Rift Between Us

Chapter 44 - A Quest For Acceptance

Keiko swiped her forearm over her diary, smearing the teardrops. It flicked open as she navigated to a fresh page. Her hand trembled like a leaf in the wind, valiantly struggling to hold back the onslaught of tears. Displaying weakness in front of Alfie, or anyone else, wasn't an option. The ballpoint tip made contact with the paper, silently gliding along.

Thursday 10:47 am, 29th May

Alara doesn't like him. Can't he see that? This makes no sense. I don't understand why he ignored my calls and texts for the past month. Yeah, okay, he was sick, but so what? I doubt he was so ill that he couldn't simply answer a message on his phone. He clearly answered me at the start. Why doesn't he want to be my friend? What does Alara have that I don't?

The mist in her eyes lingered as she gazed at them from afar, her mind racing with jumbled thoughts. Alara sat with her back straighter than a yardstick, her chest swelling with pride as her pen indicated sections in Alfie's notebook. He sat there, transfixed, absorbing her words as if they were a sermon. Keiko's teeth clamped together, her hand meeting the pages of her diary once more.

I won't give up. I refuse to remain lonely. I won't force him...but I have to try harder.

The pen rattled on the pages as it fell. She raised her hands to her face, using the back of her thumbs to wipe away her tears. Her eyes flitted about, but everyone else was engrossed in their own little bubbles, oblivious to her moment of vulnerability. A sharp clap echoed as she snapped the leather booklet shut and slid it back into her handbag. A dishevelled row of books on a nearby shelf caught her attention, labelled 'History Books' – a collection long overlooked by students, evidenced by the thick layer of cloud-like dust. Amidst the clutter, laid a copy of George Orwell's '1984'.

She immediately seized it, her haste causing a few other books to topple from the shelf. They tumbled to the floor with a series of soft thuds, but she barely noticed. Her fingers pressed down on a stack of lined papers at the desk's centre. Her eyes darted across various sections of the novel, searching desperately for themes. Some distance away, Alfie swept his hair away from his eyes, his breath quickening.

"Er...thanks so much for the help...I appreciate that."

His fingers twiddled endlessly. Alara's knowing gaze was enough to send a surge of excitement through him. Could this be a turning point? Was she finally seeing him? The thought was intoxicating. He shook his head, dismissing the fleeting image of Keiko in his mind that surfaced from nowhere. He turned his head towards her seat. A sombre energy enveloped her as she perused the novel, occasionally jotting down notes, as if she had the right to be upset. He studied her, his brows furrowed.

If anyone should be upset, it should be me. Not you.

Mr Dodge lumbered around the library with his hand on his chin, his legs shaking despite the stable temperature.

"Right, 11S you've got five minutes before break time. Start wrapping everything up, let's go."

The library's relaxed ambiance changed almost instantaneously. Hurried hands reached for various items as everyone started to organise their belongings. Alara shut her English book, smoothing her curls with her fingers. She closed her eyes, touching every angle of her hair. Alfie watched her, his hands clasping his notebook.

I still can't believe she spoke to me this much. I hope this happens again...